Vampires Suck Review

Vampires Suck Review

...this is gonna hurt.

Review Opinion
By FlashGordon2287 - Aug 18, 2010 06:08 AM EST
Filed Under: Other

I wanna start off by saying I don't like Twilight. Not because its one of those things that's "popular" to hate like Lady Gaga or Justin Beiber I just don't like it. I thinks its sexist, it talks down to women and it offers nothing in terms of creativity on the Vampire and Werewolf lore. That said, I really f**kin hate Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer. I think they are the Herpes of film making.

By that I mean that they appear they are unpleasant and then they leave. For a while you think its OK, than BAM! they reappear. Essentially this films is a "Parody" of the first two twilight films with there "witty humor" added in the mix. The story follows Becca (HA!...HA!...So clever!) who moves to a new town with her dad and there she meets the Sullens (SO...WITTY!) and discovers that they are Vampires. I would like you to read my synopsis out loud right now. ...You done? Sounds like it came out of a 12 year old trying to be funny doesn't it?

These two numb nuts of film basically took the first two twilight films, made minor changes in the script then sold it to Fox (and please no anti Fox comments please. I'm so sick of Fox bashing its not even funny.) This film is also weird in terms of "jokes" (or should I say references). For instance in the previous films of Friedberg and Seltzer they would do "Hey look, its so and so!" So and so would be a pop culture icon from film of the year show up do something unfunny, then leave. Here is the opposite.

There is a scene where it "parodies" Bella falling of the motor bike where Bella revs up the bike speeds up, the obi wan ghost of Edward shows up, tells her to stop Bella falls. end of scene. Here Becca rides the bike past the Edward ghost (yeah, they couldn't come up with a clever name so they just kept it Edward) the ghost chases after her and Becca pulls out a guitar and starts signing. Everyone in the theater had this big WTF face. it wasn't until Edward said "Becca stop singing like Taylor Swift" that everyone let out a big OH and continued to be unimpressed with what was in front of them.

This film gets a F**K you rating! a 0 out of 5. this films is a blight on film making and a shameless attempt to cash in on the twilight haters (who are starting to become more annoying than the fans itself. Seriously I don't like twilight but I don't rent out a theater claiming to have the new Twilight film than having 100s of people show up taking there money and then having one guy berate them on why there stupid. YES THAT HAPPENED. and the Twilight ruined Comic-Con guys. Shut the hell up. So you don't like it so what? these girls are just trying to have a good time. and who are you to say otherwise?!)and surprisingly a large amount of twilight fans who can take a joke.

This films sucks (no pun intended) and I pray nit fails.

I'm gonna Watch MST3K and read some comics. See ya!

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KeithM
KeithM - 8/18/2010, 7:40 AM
Fox suck. :)
SHHH
SHHH - 8/18/2010, 9:48 AM
I saw this and it's no better than a the scary movies movies and dance flick...
Stumblin
Stumblin - 8/18/2010, 10:20 AM
Yeah, I could have told you this movie would blow cock and balls, and I never saw it let alone ever care to. Pretty much any parody in 2000+ is lame.
Kovacs
Kovacs - 8/18/2010, 11:54 AM
you saw this steaming pile?
FlashGordon2287
FlashGordon2287 - 8/18/2010, 3:55 PM
@KeithM WHAT DID I SAY?!!! LOL
Creature
Creature - 8/18/2010, 5:36 PM
And what the hell was up with Disaster movie? They parody the Britney Spears controversy when it was barely a subject of relevance by the release. I watched the trailer for this shit, and they threw in an Alice In Wonderland reference just for the hell of it where she gets shot. You gave those bastards who probably never went to film school your money, but came up with a good review. Good read.
FlashGordon2287
FlashGordon2287 - 8/18/2010, 5:46 PM
@creature yeah the Alice Joke came out of nowhere. I do however credit these idiots that they stuck to the focus and wernet all over the place as much.
FlashGordon2287
FlashGordon2287 - 8/18/2010, 6:27 PM
@Grif I dont judge a whole film by a trailer. I thought the Hangover trailer didn't make me laugh once. Its one of my favorite comedies now. I give every film a chance.
hbk82287
hbk82287 - 8/20/2010, 7:43 AM
I hope by MST3K you really mean Rifftrax. :P
FlashGordon2287
FlashGordon2287 - 8/20/2010, 9:07 AM
@hbk82287 naw. I mean MST3K. I just got a new pack of DVDs. and you have 2287 in youre user name too. I CHALLENGE YOU TO A FIGHT TO THE DEATH OVER THAT NAME!
THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE!
flames809
flames809 - 8/23/2010, 7:40 AM
movie didn't even make sense in the trailer
Shaman
Shaman - 8/23/2010, 9:41 AM
My girlfriend drags me to theaters and makes me watch ALL Twilight films. Yes... there are more of them coming up, i know. So i went ahead and dragged her to see this LOL. It was by far the very worst parody of ANYTHING i had ever seen. Here's a spoiler alert for the ONLY three funny moments of the ENTIRE movie.

1- Edward juggles an apple, a bowling ball and a baby. Everything lands in the backpack he's holding; apple first, baby second and bowling ball last. POW!

2- While sleepwalking, Becca surprisingly starts to yell like a retard while throwing a bookshelf on the floor.

3- While sleeping, Becca lets go the most thunderous of human farts ever heard and propels Edward through a freaking window.

Done. The rest is utter sewage.
kyle
kyle - 9/6/2010, 4:01 PM
to me twilight is alrite, and for the continuing hate on twilight is pointless. plus only teens like these kinda films, and i'm the only teen who doesn't like teen comedy. instead george carlin, richard pryor, and those classics of the 20th century
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