Why My Articles Never Make it to the Front Page

Why My Articles Never Make it to the Front Page

I've begun to notice a pattern, well not so much a pattern as a fact that my articles never make the front page. So instead of BAWWWing about it I've come up with a list of reasons for this puzzling occurrence.

By JigJRod55 - Jan 20, 2010 09:01 PM EST
Filed Under: Other

Reason 5: Personal Ads
A good 62% of my articles are actually just me trying to pick up on loose nerd chicks on this website. Only I tend to single out specific users on this site this is incredibly awkward for everybody involved considering I don't actually know the gender or sexual orientation of the users that I'm trying to hook up with. So I'm sorry about the awkward situations I realize its not front page worthy, no I'm not going to stop.

Reason 4: Dane Cook
That smug bastard. Mark my words he holds some of the blame, if not most of it.


Pictured: Douche

Reason 3: Leno Vs. Conan
It is completely my fault that I had mistook this whole late night Jay Leno Vs. Conan O'Brien controversy as comic book related news. So now I understand why all my crack reporting on this debacle never made it to the front page. Apparently the tonight show did not start as or has ever even been adapted into comic book form, and the 1984 Johnny Carson Marvel 6 issue mini-series I thought I owned turned out to be a complete fabrication of my unstable mind, which sucks because it was awesome. I will still, however, continue to write romantic Conan/Leno slash fan fiction.

Reason 2: Lady Gaga
What you might call "slander" I call disaster preparedness, I am speaking of course, of Lady Gaga. Apparently none of the nerds (I use the term endearingly) on this site care that there is an actual super villain among us. Lady Gaga wears awesome weird costumes, she has the title of "Lady" in her name, and...this;

She can shoot flames out of her friggin chest! That leather studded corset is a total super villain costume, and I'm pretty sure the catchy music is some form of mind control because I've had "Paparazzi" stuck in my head all week. So CBM, why do all my articles calling out Ms. Lady's super villainy get deleted, are we supposed to just wait until she uses her perfect... flamethrowers on a basket of puppies?

Reason 1: I've never actually written an article on here before
The most obvious reason I've never been considered front page material is because this is the first article I've ever written on this site. So let me start out by saying; hi I'm Josey Rodriguez and let me be the first to welcome you to Earth-J, the fansite which will offer up my unique view on the latest in comics, movies, and others.

Oh and a quick FYI I will mention Dr. Manhattan's penis whenever I get the chance, there's nothing you can do about that just accept it.
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contrast
contrast - 1/20/2010, 10:14 PM
Welcome to the site...and let me be the first to congratulate you on probably the best article I have ever read. I'm looking forward to see what kind of insanity you put out in the future.

Bravo
legionbecks
legionbecks - 1/20/2010, 10:15 PM
welcome to the site j.
DogsOfWar
DogsOfWar - 1/20/2010, 10:19 PM
Nice, very nice. Welcome aboard and looking forward to further articles!

Sincerely,
Dane Cook
thwhtGuardian
thwhtGuardian - 1/20/2010, 11:05 PM
Funny as hell man
MisterFixit
MisterFixit - 1/21/2010, 3:55 AM
Hahahahahaha welcome
Hawksblueyes
Hawksblueyes - 1/21/2010, 8:43 AM
Welcome aboard, good stuff.
InstigatorGIRL
InstigatorGIRL - 1/21/2010, 12:18 PM
HAHAHAHAHA. Awesome just awesome. Welcome and I look forward to your articles. ^_^ Lady Gaga IS a super villian I agree. I see the signs now.
jusme6
jusme6 - 1/21/2010, 12:20 PM
@JRod: You are insane. Welcome!

P.S. Why did this article make the front page?
Relevant
Relevant - 1/21/2010, 12:55 PM
@jusme6 are you kidding me?!?!? This made main simply because of sheer AWESOMENESS bahahaha.

Dude welcome. Hilarious start for sure. Lady gaga is a superwhore "I want your ugly I want your disease I want your everything as long as it's free". Yep she's a whore
CRITIC17
CRITIC17 - 1/21/2010, 1:06 PM
Gotta admit, when he said "Girl, you just gotta keep yo clothes on," I just started to LMFAO!!!! Lady Gaga as a super villain... hmmm... I AGREE!!!
Shaman
Shaman - 1/21/2010, 1:10 PM
Do i detect a faint aroma of randomness? Quite exhilarating actually. Btw, Dane Cook should be Wally West. Just imagine him and Reynolds going at each other in JLA... good times, good times.
satanors
satanors - 1/21/2010, 1:46 PM
Damn. If i had written an article like this when i joined, i would be popular on this site by now. :(
LuckyKyd
LuckyKyd - 1/21/2010, 2:39 PM
Relevant@ I always thought I misheard that, but she really does say ugly and disease then?

And I should have guessed she was a villain, when she poisoned Alexander Skarsgaard in "Paparazzi", thats probably why he did not get the role as Thor, he couldn't make it because side effects from this crazy hacks brewings!!! - May Thor smight her with his mighty hammer!!!
Relevant
Relevant - 1/21/2010, 2:41 PM
@NemesisApoc regardless of his emo style or even sexual lifetsyle-your comment is irrelevant and therefore ignorant in every form

@lyky90 fo shiz my friend-she does say that (i actually looked it up because i was like WTF!?!?!)

@worldbreaker youre as popular as they come mi amigo ;)
cookfreeordie
cookfreeordie - 1/21/2010, 3:07 PM
Fantastic.
JasonTodd
JasonTodd - 1/21/2010, 3:09 PM
LMAO! funny as hell! as far as lady gaga...i might be the only one tht thinks shes hot. shes a bit eccentric but i think she is dope. oh well. just my opinion
Betty
Betty - 1/21/2010, 3:18 PM
I'll have what he's having! And how much is it$?
thegreek
thegreek - 1/21/2010, 3:36 PM
Good stuff... welcome
Joe6Pack74
Joe6Pack74 - 1/21/2010, 5:04 PM
Cool, new episode of BBQ Pitmasters on TLC tonight.
MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 1/21/2010, 5:24 PM
Nemmissapoc I deleted your moronic post..please refrain from being a c#nt in future.

Welcome J, damn fine and funny article.
AGame67
AGame67 - 1/21/2010, 7:23 PM
How the hell did this make main?

This really wasnt that funny. Great way to appeal to your crowd and get yourself noticed i guess.

Your Spider-Man pajamas are cute. Do they come with footsies? I bet you feel like a real bad ass wearing that under your clothes everyday like a safety blanket.
peterparker420
peterparker420 - 1/21/2010, 8:40 PM
DAMN is missed Nemmissapoc DOUCHY comment!
OHH WELL!

J--what's up and WELCOME!..DANE COOK = Di*k...
and He is NOT funny.
on a side not...GREAT SHIRT!!!
peterparker420
peterparker420 - 1/21/2010, 8:41 PM
AGame67- AND I thought Dane Cook was an ASSHOLE.
JigJRod55
JigJRod55 - 1/21/2010, 9:11 PM
AGame 67, they actually do have footsies so suck it.
InstigatorGIRL
InstigatorGIRL - 1/21/2010, 11:23 PM
@AGame67 Oh... Pwned... He torched your ass. Lmao.
@JigJRod55 HAHAHA Dude your cool. Looking forward to your contributions. XD
Stumblin
Stumblin - 1/21/2010, 11:46 PM
Honestly, if you keep this up, I don't see why you wouldn't be on the Main. Good luck and keep writing, this was actually refreshing.
TheBumblingIdiot
TheBumblingIdiot - 1/22/2010, 1:37 AM
Welcome that was some funy sh** keep it up ps i was never alowed pajamas with footies i would all ways trip
jusme6
jusme6 - 1/22/2010, 11:06 AM
@AGame: I'm gonna have to agree that it wasn't that funny.
AGame67
AGame67 - 1/22/2010, 4:19 PM
@peterparker-correct, Dane Cook is an ass hole.

@Jig-wow a teenager wearing footsie pajams. I bet the chicks are all over you.

@Instigator- No he didnt

@Jusme-good thing someone else has a good sense of humor
TheMyth
TheMyth - 1/24/2010, 12:33 PM
I been sayi' that shit about Lady Gaga for a while, but they tried to put me in a turtle-jacket whilst doing the Thorazine Shuffle...
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