So, who saw that trailer? Pretty neat, wasn't it? My favourite part was when Spider-Man was in it. Enough of that, though, we're here to look at YOUR reactions, not mine. The trailer had people divided right down the middle (terribly messy business the division of human bodies) and once again the site exploded with rage, love and out right trolling. Kinda like when you play paint ball on a stag do. You go out, get pissed, watch something beautiful or indeed ugly as a butterfly (those things are horrifyingly malformed) then engage in nonsensical debates and finally you wake up in Nigeria with a traffic cone in one hand and a caterpillar cocoon in your nostril. We've all experienced that, so this trailer was a lot like that experience.
Anyway, moving into the matter at hand. Who enjoyed the trailer? (all who did raise your hand). Okay, and who hated the trailer? (all who did raise your hand). Right well, screw all of you, 'cause I'm gonna tear both parties to absolute shreds, so strap the [frick] in you gutless sons of bitches and get ready to take an ass whoopin' like never before... bitch!
We'll go for the haters first. Haters astonish me because they must really feel like they're always in the right in order to subject themselves to the absolute loathing of the entirety of the internet. They have got balls like a walrus if you ask me, but they aren't as brave as homosexuals. We look at some intensely buff guy and we think, "Damn, he could kill me in one punch!" whereas a homosexual will look at him and go, "I want to have sex with that." Conclusive proof that homosexuals are braver than heterosexuals. Back to the haters, who are probably no longer here, except yoss 'case he's up for the banter. Personally, the only way to really handle haters is to subject the really crazy ones to abject torture and death.
Now, the likers. You guys are just as bad. The trailer was good for me, but I wouldn't start committing the title, "Movie of 2014" to something I have witnessed less than two minutes of. Of course that rule doesn't apply in my more private internet life. Also, you people must have some serious stones too. TASM is one of the most hated CBMs of the past decade and you guys manage to uphold your opinions, much to the dismay of all those trying to break you. But one day they will succeed. They will tear your spirits. They will destroy your hopes and your opinions... will become less relevant than Wombat shit being perfectly cubed.
Basically, I find you all repugnant, but in contrast to that, I admire your bravery. Despite its inferiority to the bravery of homosexuals. They are the true brave ones here.
If you're going to take anything away from this... article, I suggest it be this:
Wombats. Poop. Cubes.
In case you didn't find any of this even remotely funny, weird or satirical, here's a picture to express my feelings toward you as an individual.
Now, the last one of these I did, I left a comedian video at the bottom, but it appears that YouTube embeds no longer work, so if anyone could tell me how to get a vid down here, that'd be great (at least you could laugh at something).