EDITORIAL: Why 'Starbucks' Red Cups Will Destroy Comic Book Movies

EDITORIAL: Why 'Starbucks' Red Cups Will Destroy Comic Book Movies

This is not a drill. Thanks to a Starbucks conspiracy, comic book movies will be destroyed as we know it! Repeat: This is not a drill! It's a hammer.

Editorial Opinion
By Darkknight2149 - Nov 13, 2015 09:11 PM EST
Filed Under: DC Comics
Recently, Starbucks, an American chain of coffee shops, inadvertently unveiled their plot to destroy Christmas as we know it by releasing their first holiday-themed cups.


Notice how the cups have no Christmas decorations or the words "Merry Christmas" anywhere on the design. As everyone is aware, this obviously means that Starbucks is working to destroy Christmas. But what you may not know is that the destruction of Christmas is only the beginning. After that, comic book movies will cease to exist. After that, humanity. How are all of these things connected, you ask? Illuminati.
 
Although most people don’t realise it, the Illuminati is a secret organisation that controls 99.9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999996376478493020209999999999999% of

everything that ever occurs on the face of the earth. Why do certain politics win certain elections? Illuminati. Why did the United States break away from the United Kingdom? Illuminati. Why is McDonalds bad for you? Illuminati. What came first: the chicken or the egg? Illuminati. How did Bruce Lee beat Chuck Norris? Illuminati. Why was I fired from my job this morning? Because I was late for work for the eleventh time. Why was I late for work? I locked my keys in my car. How do you think that happened? Illuminati.
 
Until recently, the Illuminati had their hands wrapped tightly around Hollywood. They have controlled all of cinema for decades and have left clues by putting subliminal messages in old Disney cartoons. Why Disney? Because Illuminati. However, that all changed once comic book films became the sensation they are today. Now companies like Marvel Studios and Warner Brothers have Hollywood in the palms of their hands. Each year, these companies get stronger and stronger as their audience grows larger and larger. At this rate, DC and Marvel will have control of the majority of the world’s nations within the next twenty years and World War III will become inevitable as the supreme leaders Kevin Feige and Kevin Tsujihara battle for control.


 
Obviously, the Illuminati isn’t about to sit back and let all of that happen. This is why they are using one of their infinite pawns, Starbucks, to release a series of supposed “holiday-themed” cups that have nothing on them except the colour red. This will gradually lead to the destruction of the world’s most profitable holiday, Christmas. The destruction of Christmas will cause a domino effect that will lead to the destruction of all consumerism, effectively destroying Hollywood, and all of comic book films and companies along with it.
 
Once consumerism is destroyed, humanity will have no desire to satisfy their wants and needs. This makes them easier to control by the Illuminati. When it is at its weakest point, humanity will be eliminated by the Illuminati and the reptilian race that makes up the Illuminati will replace humanity as Earth’s dominate species. I know this is hard to believe, which is why I ask you this: what do you think killed the dinosaurs? It certainly wasn’t the ice age.
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TucksFrom2015
TucksFrom2015 - 11/13/2015, 9:52 PM
did someone say conspiracy?

McGee
McGee - 11/13/2015, 10:12 PM
Thumbed.

McGee
McGee - 11/13/2015, 10:14 PM
@TucksDeluxe

LMAO!!!

MileHighRonin
MileHighRonin - 11/14/2015, 9:10 AM
Damn you all. Damn you all to hell!
McGee
McGee - 11/14/2015, 10:48 AM
TucksFrom2015
TucksFrom2015 - 11/14/2015, 1:23 PM
@McGee - HAHAHAHAHHAHA AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!

Scorpo
Scorpo - 11/14/2015, 2:27 PM
Eh. I prefer funny conspiracy theories. Thumbed still but meh
Darkknight2149
Darkknight2149 - 11/14/2015, 3:07 PM
The Illuminati knows were on to them!

Darkknight2149
Darkknight2149 - 11/14/2015, 3:08 PM
@MrPagBrewster

Thank you kindly.
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