Response Article to Sam Hill's "Batman V Superman: 9 Major Concerns From The New Trailer"

So yeah, the Padraig Cotter thing, I thought I summed that up pretty well. Well wow. Imagine my surprise when WhatCulture puts up another article bashing Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. Why can't I give a pissant a break? Well, because I'm an ass myself. So, Josh, how come your other site hates this movie? Is WhatCulture on the dark side of the Force?

So, read as I systematically deconstruct all of this guy's points (read his trash here):

9. It Looks Like [a]n Ugly Cartoon

Do all guys at WhatCulture captialize everything? Guys, this guy bashed the lighting in Captain America: Civil War as well. You know there's something wrong with this. It seems as if he is implying that the Superman statue is CGI. That's a real statue. Honestly, it seems like to me that after a while people just like to complain about CGI sucking. Yet, then they stop recognizing what is CGI and what isn't. A cheap cartoon? Well if $400 million is cheap then sure I agree with you. You complain about the tone of the movie not being dark and gritty even though if it was I have no doubt you would have complained about that instead. You call it "brown". I live in Canada, near a city called Surrey. That comment would have gotten your ass kicked.

8. Ben Affleck [i]s [a] Little Underwhelming

Well sure this is just your opinion but when you say things like "It's sad, but true" you make it seem like we all think that as well but are denying it? Yes, I do have more faith in him to deliver because what I've seen, not much mind you, doesn't seem bad. He's had like what, four lines of dialogue. Great to know that you find his entire character in the entire film underwhelming because you didn't feel four lines of dialogue were fine and not special.

7. Some [o]f [t]he Dialogue [i]s Highly Questionable

Would you be complaining if the dialogue didn't sound as if it was comic-booky and instead as if it came out of Training Day? Yes, you would. Don't say that I'm making assumptions. I can see the website you're posting your article to. I know you would've complained about this movie either way. Call me psychic or call me smart. I know. Lex's line about the Devil is a great line actually. If you had taken English in Grade 12 you would have understood the importance of two great parts of fiction called symbolism and theme. That line ties in perfectly with symbolism of the movie and pushes the theme of the trailer. Yes, we can forgive a line for being too smart for you.

6. Jesse Eisenberg's Acting Looks Terrible

It looks camp you mean? It seems really no different than Loki who is a hundred percent camp. Yet he is the best antagonist of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I know, I would also rather have a Luthor played by Juaquin Phoenix that is reminiscent of the DCAU Luthor. Yet that doesn't fit for this film. Yet, here's the punchline. This guy, I kid you not, says this in his article: "To call it “hammy” would be an insult to pigs everywhere". How can you trust a guy who writes stuff like that to know what is camp and what isn't camp? He says Luthor shrills. Shrill is to be high pitched or piercing. I don't think Luthor started singing a Timberlake song nor did his voice sound like grating fingers on a chalkboard. Only use words when you know how to use them, please.

5. The Plot [i]s Exactly [a]s Everyone Expected

I'm sorry, but if you take pride in your ability to predict the plot of a film, you need to be knocked down a few pegs. Almost every movie is predictable. Not every movie needs to be The Usual Suspects. Movies should have good thematic vibes, make you think about them and have well thought out symbolism. This movie seems like it will have that. I'm sorry, but everybody knew the story of this movie when they announced it. Everyone knew that Batman and Superman would fight then team up to beat Luthor who would probably either have a robot suit or a creation. The moment Jurassic World synopsis was revealed I knew that it would end with the T-Rex whooping the I-Rex's ass. I predicted the story of Avatar correctly from the first trailer. As soon as the word 'ghost' was mentioned in Interstellar I knew what would happen. People on reddit have already figured out what will happen in Star Wars: The Force Awakens and those trailers don't show shit. Predicting what happens in a movie isn't a skill, it's something we can do.

How? How is there too much going on? If anything, this trailer showed us there wasn't as much going on as you guys were complaining about. You talk about having a plot here, a plot there, a plotine here and another one there. You're tossing plots here and there like you're making a sald. Do you realize that this is a movie and not a tv show? There is one plot and several subplots that follow. The plots you list are:

1. "Batman and Superman coming to blows"
2. "stories involving Superman being deemed a liability"
3. "Batman as a dangerous vigilante in Gotham"
4. "Lex Luthor masterminding and manipulating a bunch of people while also creating another villain"
5. "Wonder Woman showing up"
6. "not to mention all the other subplots involving Lois Lane, Alfred Pennyworth, and a bunch of other secondary characters"
7. "unveiling of the Doomsday plotline"

Let's start with 1, 4 , 5 and 7 shall we? Those aren't separate plotlines. Those are different segments of one plot. There isn't eighty different plots in a film as you may suggest. There's one and your taking different parts of a movie from different times in a film and making them different plots. Thirty minutes in to one movie we aren't watching a different plot than an hour in. 2 and 3 seem to be thematic points that will revertebrate throughout the film. 6 is what is referred to as a character arc and is usually seen if you want your characters to be considered round characters as opposed to stock, static or flat ones.

4. Doomsday [i]s [n]ot Convincing Anyone (Neither is your article)

I agree. Doomsday does look like a troll from The Lord of the Rings or The Hobbit. However, a troll from those movies also looks like Doomsday from the 90s comics. I haven't heard the Goomba call before, but I have heard Abomination. Maybe they could have kept Doomsday under wraps, but it builds hype and anticipation. Sure you argue that it's called Batman V Superman, but it's actually called Batman v. Superman. Unveiling Doomsday isn't an issue. Doomsday isn't [frick]ing Thanos that he's some amazing Godly character that should have been kept under wraps. He's a stock character. One that isn't supposed to have any character development. A plot device if you will. Yes, he has symbolic and thematic significance through the "Devil line" but only as an extension of Luthor really. That entrance looked pretty cool to me, but I won't delve into that.

2. Wonder Woman Feels Out [o]f Place

A comical aside? That's worked very well for Marvel films and I have no doubt that quips like this will work for DC. I don't know what you're arguing given that you bashed Civil War earlier. Tonally-conflicting? You don't need to hyphenate that. There is no tone confusion. The trailer is an action packed one that hints at symbolism and includes funny quips. She doesn't really feel out of place. She comes at the end and forms a beautiful piece of imagery. Yeah, there's a joke made but that's like saying "Puny God" was a shit line when it was fairly funny. Then you try to play it off as sexist because she doesn't talk? So what? She saves Batman and leads the trinity pose. That's not sexist buddy. Oh yeah, and he says other than "context.". If you use quotations and do not have a character speak, the period (.) is not supposed to be inside the quatations.

1. The Trailer - Somehow - Kills All Anticipation, Myster & Excitement [i]n One Fell Swoop

It built anticipation for me. I'm super excited to see this movie now and am sure it will be great. He praises the first trailer, which I will admit, I liked better. I think almost everyone is more excited to see this film. Only people like you who look for excuses to complain are less excited, but you sure were excited to complain werent you? You start posing questions to your audience by saying things like "doesn't it?". It's like your expecting the comments section of your article to agree with what you're saying yet the comments say this:

• "What the hell does Whatculture have against this movie? Dedicating not one but two negative articles that break down their own hate frame by frame from the new trailer. Every time something new comes out for Batman versus Superman, they complain about it. What makes no sense is that they gave Man of Steel positive reviews two years ago or did they think no one would go back and check?"
• "Does this guy write about anything other than how much BvS is going to suck?"
• "Kills any anticipation? You've been calling this movie a failure since last year. You biased moron. You'd have criticized this trailer no matter how good it was. Pathetic waste of space." (This one's my favorite.)
• "They show you something, people complain. They show you nothing, people complain. There's no winning with movie trailers."

Well, that's everything I found stupid about this WhatCulture article. Do you agree with me or him?

Wait, there's more! Simon Gallagher! I didn't forget you! His stupid article is here! Now, a direct response to that garbage will take too long. I mean, if you want to try and read his article. Go for it, it's not as ugly as the above one (much more nuanced), but still ugly. So instead, let me just show you some of my favorite comments from there:

• "oh jesus christ dude."
• "this article makes it obvious you've already made up your mind to hate this movie"
• "I'm all for constructive criticism but this just seems classless and tacky. Shame on the writer."
• "I'm all for constructive criticism but this just seems classless and tacky. Shame on the writer."
• "Whenever a new piece of promotional material comes out for this, I instantly know that whatculture will have an article bashing it. They can say what they want in their defense, but they know exactly what they are doing."
• "what a cry baby. Could you moan about this trailer anymore?"
• "What an embarrassment of an article. Seriously. Just. Wow."
• "Dont you dare speak logic to whatculture. They will have none of that lol"
• "I'm not thrilled with the trailer, but there is a lot of needless hate in this article. We'll see how it is in a few months."
• "We get it...even though you haven't seen the finished product you hate this movie, you hate DC and you are going to bash every possible thing you can think of. Jeesh. Enough of you already."
• "This article is so pessimistic and biased for marvel that it made me gag. What happened to Whatculture. There's an anti batman v superman article at least once a week now."
• "I hate when WC deletes my comments.." (What the [frick]?)
• "You're an idiot."
• "Hater"

Your move WhatCulture.