4. Load Up On Some Beaver Buzz Energy Drink
Ever want to know what keeps the Shmekal King's youthful appearance of 42 years old? None other than the sacred beverage of Beaver Buzz Energy! Capable of transforming a 29 year old man into an overweight 40 year old, this holy elixer will no doubt change anyone's life! (Only available in Canada)
3. Leave your last wife to find a foreigner
Getting tired of your first wife and kids? Screw it! Just abandon her and get a new one! Preferably one of those foreign girls that aren't really aware of the language. Can even be a 5/10 and you could just abandon her whenever you want! Be sure to avoid those pesky alimony payments along with child support so you can continue working on your illustrious internet career.
2. SUE EVERYONE WHO DISAGREES WITH YOU
Ever get criticized on the internet? What a horrid thought! You know how I deal with that? I tell everyone who dares come near me and say, "I'll have you know my foreigner wife had a law degree in Taiwan, so she has no problem reperesenting me in small claims court for no fees." And after I drain these pathetic little children of the little money they have, I confront them on the streets they live on, and I American History X them with my various children kicking him while he's down.
1. Start a podcast
You know the ultimate path to success? Starting a podcast. Ever since I started my own podcast 4 Hungry Canucks, I have transcended reality with the pure quality podcasting between a redneck, an autist edgelord neckbeard, and myself, the slightly overweight wise old sage. We discuss a variety of topics, such as intense discussion of the difference of gauntlets for Superman's suit between MoS and BvS.
About The Author:
you too have known loss
and that loss torments you still
you hoped hatred might someday replace the pain
but it never goes away
it makes a man hideous
inside and out
wouldnt you agree?