Some of you may be asking yourselves "Why is this on the site? How is this comic related?" Well, it's not (unless you count the webcomic version of Babycakes)...but it IS based on a short story by one of the greatest writers ever to grace the page of a comic book, Neil Gaiman. Now, I hope this isn't too difficult to read, but I couldn't figure out how to get it any closer to a proper script format on this site.
DISCLAIMER--I do not claim to own any rights to the short story "Babycakes", this was simkply the product of my will to see how well I could adapt something from one medium to another.
Oh, and--THIS STORY CONTAINS IMAGERY THAT SOME MAY FIND DISTURBING, SO, BE WARNED.
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EXT. THE National MALL--DAY
We open on a scene of peace and serenity in the National Mall. Families are walking around, sightseeing; everything appears normal--unless you noticed that there are no birds or squirrels to be found. No ducks in the pool at the foot of the Washington Monument. Nothing but people.
PAN:
Across Washington DC, through the birdless skies, until we finally come to--
EXT. HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES BUILDING--DAY
The camera loses momentum as it nears the tall, reflective glass covered building in which the Department of Health and Human Services has been holding its string of recent press conferences.
ZOOM IN:
Through the reflective glass into--
INT. HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES CONFERENCE ROOM--TIMELESS
Within the conference room, we see several men in suits, and an almost equal number of men in lab coats. Among these "Suits" are MICHAEL UMBER, Director of the FDA, and MARK STEPHENS, Deputy Director. The only prominent "lab coat" is Doctor THOMAS EAST, soon-to-be head researcher on the Tantalus Project. The lower portion of the conference room is filled with a pool of assorted reporters. Umber steps up to the microphone. Clears his throat.
UMBER
Good Afternoon.
(pause)
As all of you are well aware, we have been facing a crisis. Not just as a people or a nation, but as a world. This global mass-extinction of nonhuman species has hurt us all.
(beat)
For a while now, we've been surviving on the remains of these once great creatures, but that time...seems to be past us. We have used what we can, and the rest is lost to us. Now we must make the next move.
(beat)
Now...I think that's a good enough opening statement, considering you're all well enough up to date on the condition of the world. Let's open it up to questions.
REPORTER 1 stands.
REPORTER 1
Director Umber, what is the next move?
UMBER
That is what our researchers have been trying to determine. So far, they have made great strides in meat-substitutes, but as of now, this remains...complicated...to mass-produce. But it is important to remember that this loss isn't solely laid upon the food industry, but is spread over medical research, product testing...even the clothing industry has felt a blow from this loss. None of these things have been replaced. As of now, I can't foresee any plan of action that would allow us to continue to thrive without a major change in our lifestyle.
REPORTER 2 stands.
REPORTER 2
What sort of Lifestyle changes?
UMBER
In short, we'll all have to become Vegans...
(beat)
At length, it means no more new shampoo, no new leather jackets...medical advances will reach a standstill.
REPORTER 3 stands.
REPORTER 3
Are there any other alternatives that are being considered for the case of the clothing industry?
UMBER
Not that I am currently aware of. Please,
(pause)
You have to understand I'm the director of the FDA.
(beat)
So I have only limited knowledge of what the clothing industry plans on doing...
(beat)
But as far as I'm concerned...it's a non issue when we take into consideration all of our other problems.
(beat)
In my honest opinion, which is currently the official opinion of the Food and Drug Administration, as well as the Department of Health and Human Services, is that there's always cotton, or any of the other countless types of synthetic fabrics. They'll live.
(beat)
And you can quote me on that.
REPORTER 4 stands.
REPORTER 4
What about cloning?
UMBER
(sigh)
All options are being considered--However, nothing definite has materialized.
REPORTER 5 stands.
REPORTER 5
But how will you get around the extension set on the cloning ban three years ago?
UMBER
(frank)
Look. It's been a long day for all of us.
(beat)
As I have said, We have no clear or definite plan of action as of yet.
(beat)
What is clear, however, is that we have a world to protect. Not just for our own sake either...we have to also think of the children.
Deputy Director Mark Stephens looks at Umber. He then turns his head to the crowd, as if to think--it is as if an idea is slowly forming in his brain. He gets a rather wry expression on his face, then moves in towards Umber's ear. He puts his hand on the microphone and whispers something inaudible to Umber. As the realization of what Stephens has just suggested sets in on Umber, we see his expressions run the gamut of initial shock, awkwardness, and finally, consideration. Umber looks down at his podium for a moment--
SLO-MO:
--then back up at the pool of hungry reporters; Camera flash from the audience splatters across the stage.
END/SLO-MO:
Umber clears his throat and leans in toward the microphones.
UMBER
Well...Ladies and Gentlemen, it seems there is another viable option that has been brought to my attention. We will discuss it and get back to you with our findings.
(beat)
This press conference is over.
Director Umber, Deputy Director Stephens, and Doctor East as well as the other "suits" and "lab coats" all walk offstage, guided by a small group of secret service men to a door on the back wall of the room. The reporters continue to shout out questions in a jumbled chaotic sound which fades away along with the picture.
-FADE TO
INT. The GOLDEN CROWN--TIMELESS
Inside "The Golden Crown" (the most upscale restaurant in America, if not the world), we see a cornucopia of well dressed guests hob-nobbing with each other.
SCREEN TEXT: "Five Months Later."
PAN:
Through the crowd of politicians and business tycoons, all drinking their champagne, amusing themselves with nasally renditions of unfunny jokes about the poor--we then find ourselves looking at a few familiar faces. Director Umber, Deputy Director Stephens, and Doctor East are standing in the center of the room, well dressed, and the focus of the majority of the attention. They are heroes. They are the new face of the American Food Industry. A tall, imposing man walks up to Director Umber. They shake hands.
UMBER
Mister President, Wonderful to see you sir.
(beat)
I'd like you to meet Doctor Thomas East, head researcher on Project Tantalus...and an all-around hard worker.
PRESIDENT
Well I'll say.
(beat)
THE PRESIDENT shakes Doctor East's hand.
PRESIDENT (CONT'D)
It's an impressive feat by itself, solving a problem like the one we had,
(pause)
And nothing short of a miracle, doing that in less than half a year.
EAST
Thank you Mister President...
(beat)
But, you know, I'm not the only one who deserves credit. I'm just part of a team...
(beat)
and we couldn't have done it without yours and congress' support on the political end of things.
PRESIDENT
Well, I'm flattered.
(pause)
It was nice to meet you, Doctor East.
EAST
Nice to meet you as well, Mister President.
The President turns from the three men, to the rest of the crowd.
PRESIDENT
(wry)
Enough of these Hors d'oeuvres, I'm starving! Let's Eat!
-CUT TO
INT. GOLDEN CROWN DINING AREA--TIMELESS
All of the party guests have moved into the dining area of Golden Crown, and are sitting down around a few large, round tables. Waiters walk into frame, carrying baskets of bread and salad. They set these on the table and walk back into the kitchen. Seconds later they return, this time they are carrying large metal platters covered with metal dome lids. A platter is placed on each table. The lids are removed and we see the contents, which initially appear to be spit-roasted pigs with apples stuffed in their mouths--but upon closer inspection, it becomes apparent that they are... Babies. This doesn't seem to phase the guests; some of which continue their dinner conversation, others who get into their silverware and prepare to dig in.
EAST (V.O.)
A few months back, all the animals went away...
(beat)
We woke up one morning and they just weren't there anymore.
MONTAGE:
INT. HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES CONFERENCE ROOM--TIMELESS
We see a slo-mo, audioless shot of the press conference from before.
EAST (V.O.)
We wandered around lost, for a time...
(beat)
And then someone pointed out that just because we didn't have animals anymore...that was no reason to change our lives. No reason to change our diets or cease testing products that might cause us harm.
-CUT TO
INT. NURSERY--TIMELESS
We see a quaint looking nursery. The camera tracks to the crib,--
EAST (V.O.)
After all...
(pause)
--where it focuses on an incredibly happy baby.
EAST (V.O.)
There were still babies.
-CUT TO
INT. BUTCHER SHOP--TIMELESS
A baby is sitting on a digital scale. F.G. a scientist, dressed in a lab coat, butcher's apron, and thick, black rubber gloves slowly moves into the bottom right of the frame, back to us. Over his shoulder we see him sharpening a butcher knife.
EAST (V.O.)
It was hard, of course...
(beat)
but with the animals gone...what else could we do?
-CUT TO
EXT. HEALTH AND HUMAN SERVICES BUILDING--DAY
A large line of protesters with large "Meat is murder" signs cut out of cardboard stands in front of the Health and Human Services headquarters.
EAST (V.O.)
Some people complained...of course.
(beat)
But then, they always do.
-CUT TO
INT. DEPARTMENT STORE--TIMELESS
We are now in what appears to be a large department store, A woman tries on a fancy, designer leather jacket, a close-up on the tag reveals that it says "100% three month old". The woman appears pleased with her selection.
EAST (V.O.)
Everything went back to normal.
(beat)
Only...
-CUT TO
INT. DOCTOR EAST'S OFFICE--TIMELESS
Doctor East's office. He is sitting at his desk, looking worried. His desk is covered with crumpled, torn pieces of paper and files.
EAST (V.O.)
--Yesterday, all the babies were gone. And we don't know what we'll do without them.
CLOSE UP:
On Doctor East's concerned face.
EAST (V.O.)
But we'll think of something.
(beat)
Humans are smart.
(beat)
It's what makes us superior to the animals and the babies.
END/MONTAGE:
-FADE TO BLACK
EAST (V.O.)
We'll figure something out.