"GI Joe" Novelization Reveals Some Big Spoilers!

"GI Joe" Novelization Reveals Some Big Spoilers!

The G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie novelization, by Max Allan Collins, is coming out, and one fan at General's Joes was lucky enough to snag an early copy..io9 have the scoop..be warned, SPOILERS ahead..

By MarkCassidy - Jun 26, 2009 07:06 AM EST
Filed Under: G.I. Joe
Source: io9.com

This from io9.com..

"So what was good about GI Joe? Not surprisingly, the fan loved Destro, who is being played by Christopher Eccleston, so let's go ahead and assume that this part is in the bag. Destro and MARS are the big villains, and COBRA only shows up at the end, to make it seem more menacing and awesome. And instead of the Cobra Commander, we get a new character, Rex aka the Doctor, who is described in the novel as "Lord Byron as mad scientist." (???). He eventually becomes the Commander, and at the end of the book, the Commander sticks it to McCullen aka Destro, turning him into the villain we all know and love.

The reviewer goes on to describe General Hawk as "pretty awesome," which is how I would picture him, I guess. But just how awesome is he? Star Wars Prequels "awesome"? Because that's how nervous I am right now about this film.

Other good things? In the book (and probably in the script), the Joes poke fun at their accelerator suits calling them, "hi-tech football pads or Japanese robots," and this was probably written BEFORE they saw the CG horror that are these suits on screen. So the film-makers set out to make them look like hell? This kind of self-awareness is not a good thing.

The book is supposedly rife with a few sad puns and bad jokes. Like Marlon Wayans talking about "kung-fu grip." The Joes regularly shout "Yo Joe!" and in one scene, "Go Joe!" But this is an action movie after all, and those moments are actually important, so I don't see that as a negative. They insist that the shape shifting Zartan is to be taken seriously — and he actually takes the place of a big character in the end, thus setting up an even bigger role for him in the sequel. We're guessing it has something to do with the next big reveal... which is the death of a "code name" Joe during the big action sequence at The Pit. (Apparently it's someone who will only get one action figure.)

There are four big action sequences: a convoy attack at the start of the movie, an attack on The Pit, the Paris sequence with the nano-mites attacking the Eiffel Tower, and the final battle at the underwater MARS facility.)

Now for the really bad, according to the review. The Nano-mites, which you've seen eating up the Eiffel Tower in past trailers can do anything, "mind control, eating metal, shapchanging, Destro's mask, super soldiers, you name it…they can do it!" Which sounds like the world's laziest writing tool ever.

Also my beloved foot-soldier Neo-Vipers are all a bunch of mindless drones that can apparently DISSOLVE? No, that's just not okay. I can understand just making them robot-y nothings, but giving them the ability to dissolve? Yechh, no.

This really sounds like a jumble of bad with light helpings of good on the side. Let's hope Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Eccleston can pull it off, because it sounds like there is a lot going on."

There you go. I'm not a huge Joe fan so this news doesn't really surprise or bother me too much, it could still turn out to be a "fun" movie! But what do you GI Joe fans think of this?

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MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 6/26/2009, 8:02 AM
Probably!
Bamf7
Bamf7 - 6/26/2009, 8:16 AM
This movie is going to be awful.
vonstallin
vonstallin - 6/26/2009, 8:36 AM
(COBRA COMMANDER)
HA !!
I told you guys from way back that the Doctor would become Cobra Commander. I read it a while ago, but also they dont have the Doctor (actor) listed. Again if they go by the cartoon, Cobra Commander was a Scientist.

I am excited to be honest. It builds a better background story for Cobra Commander. The story seems a little better than what i was expecting so cool.

Of course it isn't going to be stellar, but should be some good popcorn movie.

(NANOMITES)....
Some of it sounds good to me...to be honest...
that mean we might get a Destro like all the cartoons whos face/mouth moves with expresion. I was scared we might get the Fantastic Four Dr. Doom type of mask.

The nano mites will help explain some of the stuff from the classic series that dont really make sense.

I mean Zartans suit so called had holo projectors, even his skin so he can change at will and the sunlight would effect it for a second. Nanomites seems to tie it all up.


Oh and the Kung Fu grip thing is when the toys first came out with the curved hand to hold their guns/weapons. So i can see that being funny.

Go Joe well i mean everyone have some team saying, football, basket ball huttles so i can buy it.
LEEE777
LEEE777 - 6/26/2009, 8:52 AM
DARK HORSE OF THE SUMMER BABY!!! ; D
Shaman
Shaman - 6/26/2009, 9:05 AM
Wow, i coulda sworn i was hungry when i started reading this...
ThoroughbredSteele0
ThoroughbredSteele0 - 6/26/2009, 9:07 AM
the vipers dissolve? are they members of the hand now?
superdog
superdog - 6/26/2009, 9:46 AM
dead horse of the summer. this movie will be awful im afraid. but the kids might like it so it will make enough money to create an even more awful sequel. yo joe.
SHHH
SHHH - 6/26/2009, 10:53 AM
Most of you said transformers 2 sucked this is no surprise.
Stumblin
Stumblin - 6/26/2009, 11:03 AM
This will surely suck, I can't believe it will do well at all. I'm still going to see, but I have very low expectations for this movie, maybe that'll help it out.
Shaman
Shaman - 6/26/2009, 11:29 AM
Hopes and dreams only get us so far...
vonstallin
vonstallin - 6/26/2009, 11:55 AM
lol true shaman...
Im willing to bet that it makes between $56 million to $61 million opening weekend.

MarkCassidy
MarkCassidy - 6/26/2009, 12:08 PM
Transformers didnt outright suck, it half sucked! But its still worth seeing.

I want to see a proper scene from Joe with dialogue before i fully make up my mind how it looks. But you guys should probably watch the negativity, dont you know the positive police are staking out this site!
Shaman
Shaman - 6/26/2009, 12:51 PM
I'm just stating the fact that the majority states that they "hope" it will be a cool film rather than state that the trailers kick ass and that this movie can do no wrong LOL :P It's funny come to think of it LOL :P
RAWPOWER
RAWPOWER - 6/26/2009, 1:28 PM
hopefully the movie turns out ok. I agree with Rorschach I want to see some dialogue to make a judgement call. So far it's not looking good.
TheGambitFreak
TheGambitFreak - 6/28/2009, 9:57 PM
this movie gonna suck big time im not gonna see it its not an american hero no more stupid goverment srewing every thing up. God, retards!
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