Welcome to this new edition of Nova's Fun House! Whatta you think o' the logo? Anyway, onto the main event, ladies and gents! Enjoy!
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The
villains present are Dr. Doom, Kang, Venom, Magneto and Kingpin. They all sit around a poker table, resting on top of three of Doom's servants who are on all fours.
Venom: Pocket o' aces!
Kang: Full house, I win.
Venom: How do you keep doin' that? blagh!
Dr. Doom: Yes, it is odd that Kang has won the last fifteen games in a row, isn't it?
Kang: Not my fault you didn't consider the repercussions of having a time lord in a poker game.
Magneto: So, is it a device that lets you travel through time, or...?
Kang: Well, it's actually a function of my belt, so basi--
Magneto raises his hand and Kang's belt comes off and hovers into Magneto's hand.
Kingpin: I suppose you didn't see that coming, hm?
Kang shoots him a dirty look.
Kang: Deal the cards, Doom.
Doom deals out the cards when a portal opens beside his chair. Mephisto steps through it.
Mephisto: Sorry, I was torturing innocent souls and forcing the damned to whip their family's astral spirits.
Venom: Ya didn't miss much. Dr. Who over there was cheatin'!
Mephisto: Shame on you, Kang!
He conjures a handful of Jacks, Queens, Kings and Aces. He then conjures a chair and sits on the cards.
Magneto: Wasn't Ultron supposed to be here?
Doom: He's in repairs, something about a video game.
Kingpin: MODOK too, apparently they were in it together.
Magneto: I destroyed all the video games a week later.
Venom: That was YOU?! I thought my Playstation had a mind of it's own!
Kang: Mephisto's going to cheat.
Mephisto: Did I rat on you?
Kang: No, but you weren't here either, only fair you get punished like I was.
Magneto: Yeah, but I can't take the source of his powers, so... He's allowed.
Kang: What?
Mephisto: You need to regenerate?
Kang: Enough with the Dr. Who jokes!
Venom: But they're so funny! blaughrrr!
Kingpin: I take it poker's out the window?
Doom: Looks that way. Still, this should be entertaining.
Kang gets out of his seat and faces off with Mephisto. Mephisto morphs into Chris Hansen.
Mephisto: Why don't you have a seat?
Kang: Enough parlour tricks, stand and fight, devil.
Mephisto: How 'bout, no.
Kingpin: For heaven's sakes, sit down you bloody buffoons, get a grip, we're trying to have a gentleman's evening and you pair of mongoloids try to ruin it! Now, either settle down, or Doom will do something incomprehensibly painful!
Venom: Is he gonna take his mask off?
Doom: I just sent an astral message to Carnage, he'll be here in less than an hour. Put the castle on lockdown.
The windows and doors seal up in a matter of seconds.
Venom: ... How's he gonna get in? If anything, this is a benefit.
Magneto: You realise those are metal, I could jus--
Doom lifts a finger and the metallic sheaths are coated with a layer of magic.
Doom: Nobody leaves... Only open the door for Carnage. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have an appointment.
Magneto raises his hand and freezes Doom in his tracks.
Magneto: No... (he turns Doom around)... You're staying right here with us.
Kang & Mephisto: I can't teleport?!
Doom: It's the magic, you think I'm ill in the head.
Kingpin: Quite frankly, yes. Did you expect this group of people to get along well?
There's a knock on the door. Doom's eyes suggest Magneto let him go. Magneto releases and Doom opens the door.
Carnage: I'm nOt IntErrupTIng aM I? 'cauSE If I am I reALly doN't CarE.
Doom: Not at all, Cletus, come in.
Carnage: HiiiiIiIIIiIiIIIiiiiIiiIIiiiiIiIiiiIIIiii, EVerYbOdy!!!
Venom facepalms. Kingpin clutches the head of his cane and looks to the sky.
Kingpin: Why? Why today?
Carnage: AaaAAaaAAAAawwWwwwWWWw, c'mOn FelLAs, liGhTen up! How, 'boUt WE gO gET a PiZza and whEN ThE gUY Gets heRe, wE KILL 'EM!!?!??!?!???!?!? HUH, HUH, AAAAAAAAHAHHhHAhhAHAHhahahHAHhahahHAHhahHAHAhhahhahHAHAhAAaAAaaaaAAaaAH!
Doom looks back at the others,
Doom: Maybe this was a mistake after all...
Carnage prances about the room, tearing up artwork and toppling tables. Then he catches sight of Doom's servants.
Carnage: OH BoY! HumAN fLeShhhhhhhhh.... You haVe nO iDea HoW LOng I waITeD to siNk my tEETH into THat JuICY HiDE agaIN...
He lunges at them and the others look away in disgust, except Mephisto who now crouches admiring the work of such a psychopath. Carnage finishes up.
Carnage: YuMMy... i'M HapPy wiTh ThAt...
Mephisto: I don't believe we've met. Mephisto.
Carnage: i DuNno wHat I aM. But i lIke it.
Mephisto: I can see that. Are you employed?
Carnage: nOt thAt i KnoW Of... WHy, yOU hiriN'?
Doom: This is madness, get the hell out of my castle, all of you!
Kang: I can't Magneto still has my belt.
Kingpin: I can my jet is just outside.
Carnage: Oh, tHat wAS YouRS? soRrY I kiNd'vE bROke it... in hALf... wIth a TReE...
Magneto: Well, there's nothing stopping me leaving, I'm going to go rule a country, the
proper way.
He levitates into the air and gives Doom a snide look.
Doom: Asshole.
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What'd you think? It's not as good as the predecessor but I got a giggle out of it. Stay tuned for tomorrow when I'll be giving you guys a taste of the old days with,
Brunch With Spidey And Daredevil. Until next time, fellows!