Thor and Herc are sat at a bar. They both have giant flasks, filled to the brim with beer. They throw their heads back and laugh hysterrically.
Herc: And then I said, "Wench! Thine eyes doth sparkle like the very stars above Olympus. And thine cleavage is matched only by Aphrodite!"
They burst into laughter again. They each swill down the entirety of their beer. The wipe the foam from their mouths.
Thor: Friend Hercules, it has been too long since we last engaged in such hearty revelry!
Herc: Aye, indeed, old friend! Barkeep? Another two casks of your finest ale!
The bartender runs into the back room.
Herc: 'Tis your turn to tell a tale, Thunderer.
Thor: Hmmm... Ah, this is a tale of myself and a brief liaison with the feline Avenger, Tigra!
Herc: Do tell!
The bartender places their drinks before them.
Thor: The woman was ferocious! Though not in a bad way!
Herc: I do know of what you speak!
Thor: Well, one night whilst I did slumber at the great mansion, Stark made our home. She did sneaketh into mine chambers. And, to quote the band with the letters, she did "Shake me all night long!"
They roar with laughter once more. Herc downs his drink and belches ferociously.
Herc: Come, friend. I know of a mead hall due west of here. The King's Balls! What a name for a drinking pit!
They laugh loudly again. They stumble out the door, arms around each other. They stroll through the streets telling more tales of past glories.
Herc: So Simon said, "What's a wormdo?" and the wench did say, "It wriggles along the ground, like this." and wiggled her finger!
They guffaw again. A passing old woman is heavily startled.
Thor: Apologies, hag. We did'st not mean to avail you alarm.
Herc: Thor, above us! 'Tis your horse-faced ally!
Thor: So it is! Bill! Bill!
Beta Ray Bill glances downward. He sees his old ally and descends to him.
Bill: Thor my good friend it has been far too long!
Thor: That it has, Bill. You've met Hercules, have you not?
Bill: Only through reputation.
Herc: Sometimes reputations are what makes a man, snouted one.
Bill gives Herc a dirty look.
Thor: Bill! Would'st thou care to join us in a night of revelry and storytelling?
Bill: T'would be my pleasure to join thee, Thor.
The trio wander off. When they begin to sing.
All three: Show me the way to go home! I'm tired and I want to go to bed! Me and the boys have been up all night, to tell tales of love and death!
The trio's laughs echo through the streets. Herc spots the King's Balls ahead.
Herc: Full forward, my allies! Intoxication awaits!
They enter the pub to hear Irish music, redheaded women dancing on a stage and men playing darts. The pub goes silent as they enter.
Herc: Guinness!
The pub explodes with cheers and the atmosphere returns. The trio take their seats at the bar.
Herc: Bill! Thou art the newcomer, thou shalt pay for the first round and tell the first tale. Regail us! Barkeep, three jugs of your finest brew!
Bill: Well, I haven't many stories, but this one usually gets a good laugh.
Thor: Tell it, man!
Bill: You know of the earth celebrity, Sarah Jessica Parker?
Herc: Indeed! Simon did'st court that foul wench while he was inebriated!
Bill: Ahahaaa! Anyhow, I was once asked by a Hollywood director to be her stunt double!
The trio burst with laughter once more. Their drinks arrive.
Thor: Down the hatch, gentleman!
Bill: Herc, regail us with a tale of Simon Williams. Surely he has many a strange tale to be told.
Thor: Simon is a modest man. But he's also a bit of a moron with the wenches!
Herc: He once attempted to court Jessica Drew and Carol Danvers into an orgy! They found out his scheme and did'st, "put the beat down on him", as he put it!
They spend hours telling stories and getting drunk. After several hours they all lie face down on the bar. Thor lifts his head and begins to sing.
Thor: Ooooooh, Danny Boooooooy, the pipes a pipes are calling
Bill and Herc join in.
All three: From mountain gleeeeeeeeeeeennns and ruggeeeeeeed hilllllllls
And when the vaaaaaalley's 'ushed....
And whiiiiite with snoooooooow
The whole pub joins in.
Everyone: Yes I'll be theeeeeeerrree in sunshiiine or in sha-adooooow...
Oh Daaanny Boy, Oh Danny Boy, I looooooooove Yooooooooouu,
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Random guy at the back: 'Mup dee Oirish!
Deadpool perks up from the floor.
Deadpool: Frooooom the mighty glens of Antrim!
Thor: Hold, naive. I doth suffer from an ache of the head! You would be wise to cease your singing.
Deadpool: M'kay. I'm gonna go ask the king of the potato people for a magic carpet so I can get outta quarantine. Ain't that right?
Herc: Who doth he speak to?
Bill: No idea. I think I need another drink.
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The following is a teaser from "Deadpool vs. The Kardashians":
But out of the corner of his eye, Deadpool spots a helicopter in some garden. With a glint in either eye, he hops the fence and proceeds toward the helicopter. The garden is packed full. Pool, tennis court, basketball court, you name it, it's there.
Deadpool: This guy must have a microscopic penis.
He gets into the helicopter and starts it up. As the blades get louder, an entity inside the house awakens. It emerges from the backdoor. And it's none other than...
Deadpool: Bruce Willis!?!
Bruce: Get the [frick] out of my helicopter you thieving bastard!!!
Deadpool flicks him the bird. Willis runs out to the street and gets into a cop car. He stops one of those trucks with ramps on the back as it faces the helicopter.
Deadpool: No. [frick]ing. Way.
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That little scene is in the middle of the opening sequence. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one and thanks to avengers72 for the Thor idea. Be sure to check back for more Funhouse and leave your comments below!