NOVA'S FUNHOUSE: The Zoo

NOVA'S FUNHOUSE: The Zoo

The Sinister Six are taking advantage of the sudden disappearance of Spider-Man and are taking a day off to visit the zoo. Crazy shenanigans ensue when they begin to see the personalities of their team-mates. Hit the jump to check it out...

By NovaCorpsFan - May 30, 2014 06:05 PM EST
Filed Under: Fan Fic
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THE ZOO

Ext. Day. Zoo.
 
The Sinister Six wander through the "African Plains" section of a zoo. Present are, DOC OCK, KRAVEN, VULTURE, RHINO, CHAMELEON and LIZARD. We close up on Kraven's face as he looks around with disgust.

KRAVEN
This place, it torments me!
So many trophies to claim,
yet no way to claim them!

DOC OCK
Hush now, my friend. We're here
to unwind and relax for once.
Not every day Spider-Man vanishes
for a month. Just try to enjoy yourself.

They pass the Chimpanzee enclosure. CHAMELEON comes to a halt in fornt of the glass. He morphs into a chimp.

VULTURE
For God's sake, Chameleon,
do you remember what happened
last time?! You got banned from
ever coming to this zoo or indeed
any zoo!

CHAMELEON
Who says that was the last
time? Can't ban what never
looks the same, can they, Vulchie?

VULTURE
You vile, disgusting man!
They're animals for crying out
loud!

CHAMELEON
Damn right they are...

He stares longingly at one of the chimps.

LIZARD
Hurry up, you foolsss!
We're going to the reptile
houssse!

CHAMELEON takes one last look at the Chimpanzee enclosure and then morphs into his normal self.

CHAMELEON
How come you don't worry 
about him getting all cosey-
wosey with the animals?

VULTURE
Becasue at least for him, it's
not bestiality!

They follow the rest of the group into the reptile house. LIZARD immediately runs over to the crocodile pool. He presses his face against the glass, his nostril steaming it up as he breaths.

LIZARD
My poor sssiblingsss... trapped
like mice, lusssting after the 
flesssh that passesss them day 
after day... I could not imagine 
a worssse way to ssspend a 
lifteime...

KRAVEN
Now you know how I feel.

CHAMELEON is messing with a chameleon, When it changes colour, so does he. The animal cannot help but feel triked and voluntarily plunges its head into its water pond. CHAMELEON panics as RHINO lumbers over. He shoves CHAMELEON aside.

RHINO
Hey, check it out! Diss
Dino's drowndin' itself!

LIZARD runs over in a panic, He sees the creature in distress as the bubble production decreases. He slaps CHAMELEON.

LIZARD
You idiot! Why do you insist
on making chemeleons attempt suicide?

CHAMELEON shrugs his shoulders.

CHAMELEON (singing)
I AM THE ONE AND ONLA-HEY!

DOC OCK uses the laser cutter in one of his tentacles to cut out a square of the glass. It falls outwards. OCK reaches in and takes the animal out of the water. He puts it in the opposite corner, facing the wall.

DOC OCK
I knew we should have 
brought Gargan! All you 
do is cause trouble, Chameleon! 

CHAMELEON
I'm a villain, it's what I 
do! Lighten up, Octavius, you 
would've saved it anyway.

DOC OCK
I shouldn't bloody have to!
Get lost! I never want 
to see you in my team 
ever again!

CHAMELEON walks away solemnly morphing into a chimp as he reaches the door. The other sfinish up in the reptile house and head back outside.

VULTURE
Should I call Mac, see if 
he's up for a gallavant 
in the zoo?

He takes out his phone and scrolls through the contacts down to Gargan, Mac. Beneath Goblin, Green and Goblin, Hob.

DOC OCK
Just text him. Tell him 
we'll be in the nocturnal 
house.

VULTURE types out the message.

TEXT MESSAGE
At da zoo, Ock jus bloo 
his top @ Chameleon. U 
wanna come, meet us in 
da nocturnal house... 
Bring beer!

He hits send and pockets his phone. The group go into the nocturnal house. It's pitch black and the group are only identifiable by their eyes. OCK is a pair of goggles, LIZARD is a pair of snakelike yellow eyes, KRAVEN is a pair of narrow eyes, RHINO is a pair of wide, circular eyes with tiny pupils, VULTURE is a pair of eyes with the eyelids sagged over them and crow's feet along the sides. They walk in the order of their former description.

DOC OCK
Get your tongue out 
of my ear!

LIZARD
What? I can't see, so I
need to smell the air!

KRAVEN
Plenty of that in Ock's
fate head! And Rhino, stand up! 
Get your horn off my leg!

RHINO
That's not my horn.

VULTURE
Can we go a day without 
a rape accusation? Please? 

A pair of red eyes appear behind VULTURE.

MORBIUS
I'm not sure that is
possible with this group, 
Vulture.

The group jump back, startled. The infra red lights come on all of a sudden and Morbius is seen hanging from a bar with some bats.

KRAVEN
Says the man who creeps 
into women's bedrooms and 
bites them just to stay alive!

MORBIUS
At least I try to do 
good. Unlike the lot of
you. Why are you here, 
may I ask?

DOC OCK
Spider-Man's gone missing.
We're making the most out 
of the time we have.

MORBIUS
How precious. Why was I 
not invited to this outing?

VULTURE
You've never been part
of the team, Morbius.

MORBIUS
Oh, so it's like that 
then, is it? Well, screw 
all of you! I have better
friends here, than anywhere
else!

Some bat shit lands on his shoulder.

MORBIUS
Get me out of here...
They won't let me leave...

SCORPION enters the room behind Morbius.

SCORPION
What's Hotel Trannsylvania 
doin' in da night house? 

MORBIUS
I am a creature of the
night. You would do well
to note that. But seriously,
these bats, won't let me leave.

The group shoot a few looks at each other as Morbius comes close to tears as his hands writhe, his eyes darting around at the bats around him. SCORPION shoves him out of his way.

SCORPION
Screw diss guy, let's go
look at da bug house!

RHINO
Yeah, I wanna see a
sea hoyse!

DOC OCK
Those are aquatic animals,
Rhino. 

RHINO
Awright den, let's go to
da boyd house!

DOC OCK
You make me regret ensuring
I'm always the smartest member
of this team.

They leave, Morbius tries to follow but the bats crowd his path and force him back into the darkness with them. The new six walk outside. VULTURE casts a glance back at the African Plains and sees two chimps going at it.

VULTURE
Hey, Rhino, come here
for just a second would you.

RHINO wanders over to him.

VULTURE
That chimp over there's 
banging your woman!

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Abary
Abary - 5/30/2014, 6:34 PM
I LOL'd so hard at the text message. The whole thing was really good Nova. I love the fun tone to it. Keep it up.
BenjiWest
BenjiWest - 5/30/2014, 6:42 PM
Great job Nova!
FlixMentallo21
FlixMentallo21 - 5/30/2014, 10:21 PM
Oh man, this was too funny! Here's my voice cast for an animated short:
-Rob Paulsen (using his Dr. Scratchansniff voice) as Dock Ock
-Carl Reiner as the Vulture
-Jim Cummings as The Chameleon
-Phil LaMarr as Kraven the Hunter
-Steven Blum as the Lizard
-Jeff Bennett (using his voice for Rubberneck from Brave and the Bold) as the Rhino
-Maurice LaMarche as the Scorpion
-Daran Norris (using a stereotypical Dracula accent) as Morbius
DEVLIN712
DEVLIN712 - 6/1/2014, 3:03 PM
Great job (as usual) Nova, any chance of a Funhouse like "Cipher's Vaccation" any time soon?
cipher
cipher - 6/2/2014, 10:14 AM
Hahahahahahaha, nice.
NovaCorpsFan
NovaCorpsFan - 6/2/2014, 10:44 AM
Doopie

I was considering a few team day trips, yeah.

DEV

At your request, I shall get working on one.
Satanistpanther
Satanistpanther - 6/3/2014, 3:38 AM
Damn good !! I laughed so hard during the misfits of Chameleon...Keep writing more Nova
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