There's something truly special and appreciated about finding the right match when it comes to casting any pre-existing character. But for comic book movies in particular, the perfect fit is like magic. Christopher Reeve helped the world believe a man could fly. Heath Ledger has basically made The Joker untouchable after his performance. I've already made mention of my thoughts on the most perfect casting in comic book movies a while back, but this time around I'd like to look at the flip side of the coin- The absolute WORST.
Now, it's not fair to expect perfection every time a CBM gets made. Not everything is going to be a home run, but at best, outside-the-box casting can result in exciting and interesting interpretations. Think about Jim Carrey as The Mask, or Nicholas Cage's Big Daddy. Danny DeVito's grotesque Penguin is among my favorite takes of any Batman villain. But then you have Kirsten Dunst who nearly ruins Spider-Man with her Mary Jane.
So without further ado, I present my BIGGEST CASTING FAILS IN COMIC BOOK MOVIES
10. KEANU REEVES as John Constantine (Constantine)
"They call it the balance. I call it hypocritical bullsh*t."
What’s the first thing you think of when you hear ruthless, snarky, cynical, con-man? If you said Keanu Reeves, congratulations, you could work at Warner Bros. And like WB, you’d be really bad at this. How Reeves is a first choice for any character is kind of baffling, but they go further, stripping the con-man anti-hero Constantine of his most defining feature; They thought it was his smoking, it ain't- it’s his Britishness. Sylvester Stallone’s Judge Dredd says hi. What a fail! And you thought Tom Cruise as Jack Reacher was bad-
9. JULIAN MCMAHON as
Dr. Doom (Fantastic Four)
"I think I'll get a second opinion" Most of casting heat in
Fantastic Four goes to Jessica Alba as Sue Storm. I think it’s a slight miscast- Alba as an actress is seen as a joke- but if I’m honest, she really tries in the role, and I applaud her for maturing up as The Invisible Woman. Figure-hugging costume aside, I think she’s one of the more appealing aspects of these flicks.
I can’t say the same for Julian McMahon, who seemed to have no idea what he was doing or what his character was about. Dr. Doom... A case could be made that he is the most dangerous villain in comics. He never experiences failure. Only setbacks. Yet the movie goes for a smarmy corporate suit, a jealous lover angle, and very very tame threats and danger. McMahon is a fail in that someone more menacing could have elevated the villain.
8. ANGELA BASSETT as
Amanda Waller (Green Lantern)
" We detected traces of a second alien life-form buried within the body of the first. You've been exposed." Everything is wrong here. Everything. I mean, there’s playing against type, and then there’s the straight up swing-and-a-miss. I can understand the appeal of snagging Angela Bassett, one of the best actresses of her generation. But would you cast Meryl Streep as Granny Goodness? I mean, I just can’t reconcile the actress with the character here.
Green Lantern had a litany of problems, and wasting great talent in bit roles is certainly among them.
7. KATE BOSWORTH as
Lois Lane (Superman Returns)
"How many "f's" in "catastrophic"? Lois Lane is characterized as tough, smart and beautiful. Kate Bosworth could be any or all of these things in a movie. So why is her Lois Lane possibly the least likeable version of the character ever depicted? For a head-strong reporter she spends most of
Superman Returns bitter and vindictive and makes the audience wonder what Supes found appealing about her in the first place. For a female icon like Lois, why cast someone who seems like a kid playing grown-up?
6. JANUARY JONES as
Emma Frost (X-Men First Class)
"You're never going to get anything from me while I'm like this." Where do I begin with one of the X-Men gallery’s all-time favorites? Emma Frost could literally be everything January Jones is not. From her bright mind, and sharp personality, to the inherent sex appeal that comes from that lacy English accent, it takes more than Jones’ cleavage to do this character justice. Frankly, Matthew Vaughn miscast nearly all his X-Men characters save the two leads, but that’s an article for another day. Top prize for now goes to the power player of the Hellfire Club, The White Queen, who is practically worthless in this film.
5. MATTHEW GOODE as
Ozymandias (Watchmen)
"I don't mind being the smartest man in the world, I just wish it wasn't this one." Its not even like you have to use your imagination. It’s laid out right there in the page- Adrian Veidt is an imposing character, a man of stature. He should be- He’s deemed the “smartest man on the planet” and better yet, he’s on
our side! Ozzy represents the pinnacle of what a great superhero could be, and that’s what makes the reveal at the end of
Watchmen such a shocking downer.
Unfortunately Zack Snyder’s film adaptation telegraphs this from literally the first reel, painting Ozymandias as the clearly-he’s-behind-all-of-this baddie right from the get-go. Matthew Goode spends all his scenes in the shadows, or talking down to all comers with the arrogance of a Bond villain. It’s a total misinterpretation of a character who was both good and bad- not simply evil in disguise.
Put on top of that Goode’s scrawny build (Adrian, admirer of the ancient Greeks, kept in top physical shape) and the terrible leather
Batman and Robin costume, and Snyder missed the point for sure.
4. TOPHER GRACE as
Venom (Spider-Man 3)
"I want to kill the spider, you wanna kill the spider." Fun fact: In 2007, Sam Raimi invented trolling as we know it today. What a monumental F up this was. You could almost make the case that Topher Grace is like an edgier version of Toby Maguire in real life. This is the argument I used to help me sleep at night. I couldn’t let it get to me. Eddie Brock, the weight-lifting alpha-jerk, played by the small, skinny smart-ass. It makes no sense unless you make it make sense.
To his credit, Topher does what he can, and believe it or not, I don’t think Venom is the problem with
Spider-Man 3 (The movie is best when he finally shows up in the last 3rd. It’s everything else before then that’s tired). But there’s no doubt, when it comes to what a character is, and what the movie went for, the geek from
That 70s Show is what NO ONE had in mind for what should have been the most badass villain in a Spiderman flick.
3. HALLE BERRY as
Catwoman (Catwoman)
"Time to accessorize!" What can I say that hasn’t already been said? And it’s not even like she would have been terrible. Ertha Kitt was a fetching Catwoman briefly during the 60s. I mean, Halle Berry is a babe. Catwoman is a babe. How do you screw up 1 +1 = 2? Oh, I forgot. By making sure 1 stands for: completely embrace the cat motif in the most literal ways possible, and ensure that the character is nothing recognizable to fans whatsoever.
2. ALICIA SILVERSTONE as
Batgirl (Batman & Robin)
“It’s me, Barbara!” You know it’s bad casting when the role effectively
destroys your career. Poor Silverstone. I had such a crush on her in the 90s thanks to
Clueless. No doubt I was eager to see the sweetheart playing one of my favorite and most beloved comic book heroines. Aaaaanndd…they ruined it.
Barbara is neither the daughter of Commissioner Gordon, nor shares his name at all, but niece-something or other- to
the wrong f%#king character. It’s the most haphazard way to connect her to the bat-family. Right. So one of comic’s great redheads is now blonde, and has the exact same personality Robin did in the previous movie. Because. They wear leather jackets and ride motorcycles together. If not for the boobs, they’d be the same damn person! The blonde bimbo comes off as just that, with all lines read with an air of bubbliness. If you were ever curious about how Alicia could sell crime-fighting hero, all you need do is put a cape on your little sister, make her put up her dukes, and go “Hrumph!”
1. ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER as
Mr. Freeze (Batman & Robin)
“What killed the Dinosaurs? The Ice Age!” Back to back fails. Man, I could do nothing but fill this list with Schumacher’s characters if I wanted to. Robin is too old. What the hell was with Bane? Why cast the zany, scene-chewing funnyman Jim Carrey as Riddler? And why copy-and-paste his character’s exact same plot progression for Poison Ivy? Even Tommy Lee Jone’s absurd Two-Face made me just wish they kept Billy Dee Williams!
But for all of those, there are redeemable qualities. I'm one of the few who appreciated Chris O’Donnell’s edgy, older Robin. Jim Carrey is actually pretty entertaining for what he’s going for. Uma Thurman is winking 60s camp as hard as she can- which would be fun if she were in the right movie. Even Clooney was an inspired choice, if nothing else, because he’s got the Bruce Wayne looks, a great voice (and a great chin apparently?). Never mind the stain this role has become in his career. He does not fail the movie, it is the movie, from script to screen, that fails him. Imagine From
Dusk Till Dawn or
Out of Sight Clooney giving Batman a shot, and you have a much cooler everything. But as it stands, Schumacher’s Bat-film joins
Howard the Duck, and
Dragonball Evolution as some of the most butchered comic characters ever adapted.
Criminals are a cowardly and superstitious lot... But Arnold Schwarzenegger and his endless puns were most offensive of all. The muscle man who barely grasps English as a language is supposed to be the frail but brilliant scientist Victor Fries? Schumacher’s reasoning was that he was “built like a block of ice” so it fits!
To that I say:
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