noahthegrand reviews present: the most sensual movie of the year: Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom( no spoilers)

noahthegrand reviews present: the most sensual movie of the year: Jurassic World Fallen Kingdom( no spoilers)

I review Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, saying what every other reviewer has thought of but not dared to say out of fear of not being accepted by the mainstream!!!

Review Opinion
By noahthegrand - Jun 20, 2018 07:06 PM EST
Filed Under: Jurassic Park
Source: Comic Book Movie

I’m noahthegrand, and today I will be reviewing Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. 

In in this new must see installment of the Jurassic Franchise, Chris Pratt’s Owen is seduced by the wily Bryce Dallas Howard character “Claire” into a return to the island of Isla Nublar, home of the last remaining dinosaurs, an island now threatened by the impending eruption, not just of a volcano, but of the lead characters, as well as the dinosaurs, passionate and forbidden urges. 

Rippling action star Chris Pratt shines in this film, delivering lines with obvious double meaning left and right, seducing not just the other leads with his charm, but also the knowing audience, finally free from the conservative glares of the world around them in the darkened halls of the movie theater! 

Owen Grady: Back your men up right now! 

You think we don’t know what your doing Chris?

The special effects shine in this film creating realistic and lifelike portrayals of nature’s most raw and sexually dynamic creature: the velociraptor. Every moment Owen’s raptor Blue is on screen you can just imagine this rugged beast as it was millions of years ago! It’s truly a marvel of cinema that such a bond and connection could be created between actor Chris Pratt and special effect! The chemistry is unlike anything ever seen since 35 million years ago!  

The film is also far smarter than many other film critics give it credit for, creating complex symbolism and metaphors. The dinosaurs are Owen and his romantic goals, varied and yearning for  the animalistic passion of the hunt, the volcano, the passion that threatens to destroy everything around him if not unleashed, and I won’t even get into the Oedipus complex of “Back in Black” bad boy that everyone wants: THE INDORAPTOR. 

All I’ll say is the Betty and Veronica relationship between it and Blue is astonishingly layered, giving the audience exactly what it wants and proving once and for all....

Life cannot be contained. Life breaks free. Life... finds a way.
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noahthegrand
noahthegrand - 6/21/2018, 3:38 PM
@TheUnworthyThor - @Polaris - @MarkV - @TheRealTomServo - @Starman - @IronGenesis - @SuperDude001 - @Spock0Clock - @Kman - @Nebula - @ForMeWasTuesday - @KnightKnight512 - @BlackBeltJones - @L0RDbuckethead - @HurricaneXavier - @fundamentallyOT - @ThouBear8 - @GodzillaKart - @MUTO123 - @Arrowverse27 - @Fogs - @CoolCipher - @JoeMomma29 - @blackandyellow - @kolatrl - @Velvet - @bobevanz - @Pot8odragon - @ODanil - @Nerdman3000 - @CrisParker - @MalseMarcel - @knocturnalzen10 - @DoubleD - @ExpertlyMediocr - @dethpillow - @staysickness - @BloodyBed - @TheDoctor1225 - @SimplyAz - @ThatAlexDude - @Battabing - @HeavyMetal4Life -
MUTO123
MUTO123 - 6/21/2018, 3:57 PM
So I take it I should bring tissues when I go see it this weekend?
noahthegrand
noahthegrand - 6/21/2018, 7:07 PM
@MUTO123 - definitely, i’d say this is an Incredibles 2 situation all over again.
Polaris
Polaris - 6/21/2018, 4:01 PM
so brave, so insightful 👏👏👏
MarkV
MarkV - 6/21/2018, 4:11 PM
LOL, fun review!

(My favorite cameo in the movie was Analraptor)
L0RDbuckethead
L0RDbuckethead - 6/21/2018, 5:11 PM
Hahaha this is great.
Nebula
Nebula - 6/21/2018, 5:18 PM
Don't know why I was @'d here; I'll give this review a solid...
ODanil
ODanil - 6/21/2018, 6:29 PM
This review was way better than the movie and I'm not even joking.
ThouBear8
ThouBear8 - 6/21/2018, 10:11 PM
Lol not quite what I was expecting. But now I'm all hot & bothered...
bkmeijer2
bkmeijer2 - 6/22/2018, 12:28 AM
This review is quite enjoyable, just like the movie
SimplyAz
SimplyAz - 6/22/2018, 4:26 AM
Not going to lie, but I am turned on by this review. You can just feel the raw sexual energy pulsating from the words on the page.........!!!

knocturnalzen10
knocturnalzen10 - 6/22/2018, 6:31 AM
@SimplyAz - you need a minute good friend , and maybe a glass of water -_-
SimplyAz
SimplyAz - 6/22/2018, 6:43 AM
@knocturnalzen10 -

Lol, I needed a long shower afterwards.............!!!
knocturnalzen10
knocturnalzen10 - 6/22/2018, 6:29 AM
nice ! lol lol
tb86
tb86 - 6/26/2018, 9:02 AM
I know this is completely unrelated but what is the news on Luke Cage season two? is it good? is it bad? how does it compare to the first season? Nobody's been talking about it.
noahthegrand
noahthegrand - 6/28/2018, 2:52 PM
@tb86 - I’m only up to episode 8 but it’s good so far.
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