Watchmen Not Worth Watching

Now I’m one of those young whipper-snappers that just happened to appreciate the depth of Watchmen in its graphic novel form. When I heard that Watchmen would be coming out, I was incredibly excited, considering the fact that the graphic novel was so interesting. Months became weeks, weeks became days, and finally March 6th had arrived. Therefore, I gathered all my excitement into a little bundle and took off for the nearest movie theater, ready to be blown away by what was sure to be the first film I fell in love with in 2009.
Unfortunately, this was not the case.
I walked out of the theater with quite the opposite of the reaction I had anticipated. When one takes in the graphic novel, it is truly an experience rather than simply reading a comic. Did I expect that the movie would in every way live up to the high standards of Watchmen? Honestly, no. However, I did expect that I would be able to appreciate it as a great achievement in movie-making, finally bringing the “unfilmable” Watchmen to screen.
Zack Snyder did extremely well with 300. I enjoyed his work immensely with that film, so naturally I thought that Watchmen would surpass this. It’s already an established work with a nice fan base, whereas 300 was not quite as well known. Where did the “visionary” director go wrong?
The graphic novel of Watchmen asks the question, “What would the world be like today if superheroes had influenced our past?” Naturally, one would assume that this simple premise would be the same guiding principle for the film adaptation. Rather, Watchmen the movie asks the question, “How much porn can we fit into a two-and-a-half hour period and still keep an ‘R’ rating?” I’m past the legal age to go out and buy a porno if I feel like it. Instead, I saw Watchmen. The title might as well be changed to “Watchmen do women.” What on earth happened to this movie?! Yeah, Watchmen had sex sequences in the novel, but they neither showed very much nor revolved around the subject. You can say I’m a wimp or that I don’t appreciate the true nature of the graphic novel if I don’t want to watch Malin Akerman get it on for half an hour (no offense to her), but for crying out loud, there are so many meaningful elements of the graphic novel that were left out because of a sick need that the filmmakers had to push the limits of moviegoers and see how much could be shown, all while staying within the boundaries of an “R” rating.
The mindless violence was also tiring. When Dr. Manhattan disintegrated people in the novel, he did just that. There weren’t huge gobs of gore everywhere, and there were no huge blood spatter areas on the ground where people once stood. You would not find arms hanging from the ceiling, nor a large inkblot-like formation where Rorschach once existed. Aside from that, Rorschach never butchered the man who murdered that little girl. He lit him on fire, and by all means, the filmmakers would have done fine in showing Rorschach light the guy up. However, instead we replace a key element of Rorschach’s character and give him some resemblance to Hannibal Lecter.
The ONLY redeeming thing about this film was the acting itself. The roles were filled with talented actors, and Jackie Earle Haley did extremely well with Rorschach. I was quite impressed with the ways in which the actors seemed to grasp the characters, despite the ineptitude of the writer and director.
Overall, Watchmen is worth renting on DVD so that you can watch Rorschach, but not much else. Very tiring. Very graphic. Not very novel.