EXCLUSIVE: MIS(H)ADRA Writer & Artist Iasmin Omar Ata Opens Up About Their Comic For Epilepsy Awareness Month

CBM: First off, I know this might sound stupid, but could you explain to me the title of Mis(h)adra?

Iasmin: Well, the way that I pronounce it is Mishadra, but you could kind of pronounce it either way because the name is kind of a cross-language triple-pun.(laughs) So Mishadra in my family’s dialect, in Arabic means “I can’t, or I cannot, it’s not possible.” While Misadra means seizure but also doubles as like captivation or like the seizure as in the taking of something, or being captured. It’s kind of fun, you know my background is Arab and American so it’s kind of fun to play around with cross-language puns sometimes.

CBM: I see. That’s funny because I’m actually Jordanian-American and I was Muslim until I was ten, but I haven’t spoken the language in years.

Iasmin: My family is from Palestine so that’s very similar dialect actually, that’s very cool and fun.

 

CBM: Yeah, for sure! So, you said Mis(h)adra came out two years ago?

Iasmin: Right, in print, but it was a web-comic before that.

CBM: Oh yeah, well how long was it a web-comic before it printed?

Iasmin: I posted the ending of the first scene online in November of 2013. It actually started off as my senior project for school. My teacher was actually like, “Do whatever you want and pick and choose whatever story you want to do.” Now, the year before I had to make a project that was non-fiction and it scared me because I wasn’t used to writing non-fiction. But I looked into historical figures that suffered from Epilepsy and I found that Carlos the Fifth or Charles V was a holy Roman Emperor and he had epilepsy, and I did my project on him.

After that I realized that sharing and writing about my condition had helped me so much during that semester that I started to feel like I was really letting stuff out there. So while I didn’t plan on Mis(h)adra to grow longer, I eventually planned for it to be longer and I broke it up into chapters. I started posting it online, and at first it was a couple months between the first and second chapter but after that it was posted monthly. Which is a long answer for how it got started. (laughs)

CBM: No, that’s okay! It actually leads into what I wanted to ask you next. How do you feel your life has changed since Mis(h)adra has released?

Iasmin: Oh gosh. So much. So, so much. Really, because, you know at first when I made the comic it really was a source of catharsis, even at the beginning. And that’s kind of why I decided to keep doing it. It’s almost like helps you feel in a way, like as soon as I started talking openly about my condition and not just through a historical figure but through the lines of a character I created and talking about my day-to-day life and not about someone who has been dead for two centuries. (laughs)

But it helped me open up a lot of thoughts that I couldn’t articulate before that, and I just started to really see that I was getting a lot of feelings that were really complicated and hard to parcel out just internally. Putting it on the page and seeing a different character like Isaac go through it, it sort of put me at arm’s length like a one degree of separation from my own situation because I had to filter my own version to fit it into a different story and that gave me a little bit of a different perspective that shifted a little bit and that allowed me to open my eyes and see these events and these thoughts and feelings from a different angle. It really recontextualized a lot of things for me and it really made me come to terms with my feelings, you know? And it also made me realize, like, I don’t have to hide. I don’t have to try to keep it all inside and pretend like it will just be fine, or whatever, or keep it from other people.

It really encouraged me to get out there. (laughs) And I almost didn’t. I had my finger like hovering above the enter key. I was like “no one cares” but afterwards, I was blown away. By people actually reading it and liking it, and people reaching out to me about their epilepsy, migraines, anxiety, or other adjascent things - so it really helped me over the years not only to stop feeling quieted and ashamed but also to connect with other people and learning their experiences and learning from them as well. At this point it’s almost been six years and the effect is indescribable - I could go on. I don’t know where I would be without this comic. It’s really been a guiding light in my life and sometimes I hold the book and it still shocks me.

CBM: It’s crazy when you create something and it almost seems like it effects you more than you effect it.

Iasmin: Yeah! It’s almost like it has sort of a life of its own. And when I look back at the pages, it’s like “Wow, this really happened, and this is really out there, and it’s not only helping myself but resonating with other people and building relationships and community feelings in a lot of ways.” Anyways - I do words and pictures for a reason because sometimes with words it’s indescribable.

CBM: Personally I went to a Barnes and Nobles a year ago, and after I read it I had my mom read it - because she can only understand so much about my Epilepsy and it’s hard to put what I go through in words.

Iasmin: Oh my gosh, well I feel really honored that that is something that you feel is a good reference point for people. I really appreciate it and I’m glad that your mom read it, and the reception hasn’t only just been by people who are afflicted by certain things but also by people who say they know someone who was afflicted and they didn’t realize. If you don’t mind me going off on a tangent for a moment...

CBM: Oh no, of course not! I’m sure whatever you have to say is infinitely more interesting than what I have to ask.

Iasmin: No! Not at all. (laughs) One of the reasons I made the decision to create the symmetry with the daggers, and the chains and colors, that was an important choice for me because I found trying to write just talking about it with Isaac facing the camera - it didn’t really convey how it felt. You can say that you’re scared or worried but those words are never going to affect someone the way visuals will in tandem.

So if I’m able I always try to integrate those two things, and so having the imagery has helped people not afflicted by it because it’s more than just words and they get to visualize it. And that has helped them become more understanding, and I think going in that direction also helped to guide my voice.

CBM: That’s funny because I was going to ask you - I have Aura states too, I will see anything, like there is no limit to what I can hallucinate. It can be a person or nothing special or something simply auditory when I am about to have a seizure. So I wanted to ask you - as far as some of that imagery you mentioned with the blades and the colors, is that something that you experience as a part of your Aura state? Or is that just something you were using to help express to other people so they can see what you feel?

Iasmin: I would say it’s sort of a combination of both. I would feel the sharpness, or sometimes it’s not just visual but I’ll sort of get like the physical feeling and for me I sort of hallucinate - but I also feel in my body, like a sharpness - like a blade of some kind. And I would also hallucinate sometimes and sort of see forms and so I took inspiration from that but on the flip-side, some of the other things are to be taken more literally. Like the eyes are a sign that you feel like you’re being watched - both by your own condition and by other people.

The danger of having a seizure is always on a scale of 1-10, and the thing about it, is it’s never zero. So even if you aren’t in the red zone and you aren’t in danger of having a seizure, there’s still the feeling of being watched by your own condition. Watching and waiting, for the glitch to go off in your brain.

CBM: So, as we are both writers who suffer from Epilepsy, I have to ask how much your condition effects your writing schedule and process. Would you say it’s held you back?

Iasmin: I would say it does and it doesn’t because I felt like before I started opening up about my condition I felt like I wasn’t moving forward because I didn’t really know what to do. I feel like I was trying to sort of do comics the way I was shown they should be done by other people, but I never really felt like I was creating something very personal. So when I started making Mis(h)adra it freed me in a huge way. Creatively, mentally, emotionally. I finally found what was me, I finally found what was my calling.

Really, it is my passion. But physically, the field is very demanding. You have to make your own schedule and work a lot of hours and do a lot of non-paperwork and be your own boss, your own social media manager, your own publicist, and so much more, especially when you’re dealing with indie stuff and it has definitely been hard in that way and my schedule has changed day to day. You know, I couldn’t pull all nighters in school like I was expected to. Like, I literally am not able to do these things that I was expected to do. That was really hard at first but it just took a lot of trial and error. And now I’m not feeling held back by it, it’s more like this is what works for me.

CBM: Do you feel like writing Mis(h)adra has allowed for people in your life to better understand you and what you go through?

Iasmin: Yeah, I think so. I definitely feel like the people closest to me and also the people who I’ll meet in the future and become friends sort of get a window into my life and experience and they understand why things have happened and why I do certain things. And it’s easier to digest because it gives them a space to learn and think about the material in their own private space like they can read this on their own and have their own thoughts about it and sort of meditate on it alone if they should choose.

I think that helps because sometimes when you’re telling people in the moment they either don’t know what to say or don’t have enough time to process it and we’re sort of expected in social interactions to operate at a certain speed and I feel like sometimes that can be either difficult for some people to either A, understand, or B, respond, or C, both. So I feel like having that content in their own private time does help, if that makes any sense.

It’s funny because you mentioned about that with your Mom. One of the scenes in Mis(h)adra and a big point and conclusion in Isaac’s life is talking to his father who is pretty absent and also doesn’t really understand. At the end of the book, he called Isaac out of concern for the first time, really asking about how he is. And it’s funny because after the book came out, my father read the book and it changed the way he is about my condition in a very positive way. So it’s funny because it actually happened in real life after the book happened. (laughs)

CBM: Yeah, that’s like I said - sharing it with my Mom was like giving her a window to my suffering, I think, as since then she has been more understanding about certain things. There are things that help my condition that she had a social stigma about that she’s since become more chill about.

Iasmin: I mean, that’s wonderful. Obviously I don’t like that you’re suffering! (laughs) But it is wonderful to hear that that has helped your relationship with her because sometimes it’s just a communication breakdown. Sometimes it’s just people building off of preconceived notions because that’s all they have. I’m really glad.

That’s what I really love about comics in general is it’s really such a powerful medium, so much more powerful than people give it credit for. This medium really has the potential, I think, to show people a lot of things that can’t otherwise be processed.

 

CBM: I totally agree with you there. That’s one of the reasons I wish I could draw. I’m an Author as well, and for the past five years it’s felt like my epilepsy has been preventing me from finishing my latest book, which is, in turn about epilepsy. And at first, when I saw yours, I was bothered. It was like, “Wow man, somebody beat me.”

But then I actually sat down and read it and realized that it was nothing like what I had in mind, but it still perfectly expressed what I go through. On top of that, it was really good and it impressed me and inspired me to try to finish getting my story off of the ground because obviously you’re going through what I’m going through and if you can finish yours, there’s no reason I can’t.

Iasmin: Exactly! I’m really excited, I remember you had spoken to me a little about your project, and like I said I want to see more from other people. I am thrilled with people finding my book as a reference point for people but at the same time I don’t want my book to be the only one.

I want people with Epilepsy to be able to have resources so I’m thrilled to hear that you want to be a part of doing something about that. And I’m excited to see more from others. I think there has been an upswing in Graphic Medicine and I would love to see soon like five other books on a shelf with mine. I would love that.

Iasmin: Absolutely, I’m so excited to see this! It’s funny too that you bring up the speaking to the character’s aura because there were one or more specific times where I felt like somebody was speaking to me - almost like it was my condition talking to me. And that is sort of where the concept of Dream Isaac came from. I think it might have been twice, like that feeling of your condition speaking to you and sort of taunting you in a way, that’s supposed to be what he expresses. I’m gonna pull back the curtain and reveal something I haven’t talked about a lot in interviews but Dream Isaac, which is what I call him because he isn’t really named in any way in the story, his name in my notes for the script was Aynsaac. And that is also another pun because ayn means eye, which is like naming him Eyesaac. So that was just a little pun for myself!

CBM: That’s clever! How do you manage to separate yourself from a character like Isaac who is similar to you in so many ways?

Iasmin: Well, obviously he is so much me. (laughs) Even my hair is the same, and I swear it wasn’t always like that. (laughs) He had an effect on me, so it’s hard to sort of separate, but he’s a little different from me in some aspects of personality, my parents in some ways and other things. When I was first starting, I wasn’t really solidified in my gender identity yet, and telling my story through him made me sort of confront gender to discover that I’m non-binary. And I don’t think it’s exclusively because of that relationship but I think in a lot of ways I have to look at it because it exists.

CBM: When you receive feedback, is it hard to separate the art from yourself, since it’s so similar to your life?

Iasmin: Well, it’s definitely not for everyone. It’s okay if it doesn’t resonate with people so I’m usually not really bothered by critics or people telling me they didn’t like it. And I think that has less to do with separation between and artist or like distinguishing myself from my work and rather I kind of had to develop really thick skin really quickly, but I don’t really take it personally. I mean there’s been a couple times that’s like ugh, but you read the review and you move on. (laughs) It’s taken a lot of learning.

CBM: I happen to have the book flipped open to the pages where Isaac is surrounded by haunting phrases and quotes, and this is probably my favorite part of the book. It’s exactly how I feel when all of the thoughts I try to run from catch up with my and stockpile in my head. Even in bed, you can’t get away, and this portrays that perfectly. I thought that scene was the cherry on top of this for me.

Iasmin: Aw, thank you! Most of that was very similar if not word for word things that I’ve been told, very real things that people have said to me. It was important for me when I came up with the idea to make the panel - the framework - of that page be those words because the panel is the state in which the art is in. So at some point, it feels like your entire existence is being framed around you in these hurtful words.

CBM: Do you see more stories with Isaac in the future, or do you feel like the end of Mis(h)adra was the perfect way to send him off?

Iasmin: I definitely have like a foggy canon of stuff that happens, but as of right now I don’t have any plans for a sequel or anything. I thought about possibly doing a one-off but for the most part I do think that’s a good point to leave him off because from that point on, that last page is sort of where my post production of that journey began. And that comic will always be with me, but that moment of post production, I think is really important for people because if you reach that moment if you can, it starts your journey in a specific direction.