NOTE: It's been awhile since I've done one of these. With that said, leave your feedback in the comments, as well as tag on any ideas you'd have for your own Plastic Man movie. Casting, plot, creative personel... all that.
 

   Okay, so, hi. It's been forever, ComicBookMovie! How're the kids? The wife? Ah, she's still a nag, huh? Maaaan, I told you this from day one. Son, women be crazy. A real "that one Napolean XIV song"-type. All jokes aside, I haven't written a proper article for the site in ages, so I figured I'd give something like what I used to do a go. See if I still have it in me.

Look, I'll be honest. I've always been a Marvel guy. Better... red than dead? No, that's not right. But yeah. Marvel. I like it. But I've always had an appreciation for DC's stories and characters that might even rival their, uh, rivals. That's why it sucks to see them completely bastardized by the studio that somehow made Mad Max, It, and Blade Runner great again, but can't even do something as simple as Superman justice. So let's pretend for a minute that I'm in charge of running DC's Extended Universe. What would I do?

Well, for starters, I likely won't be writing about any movies already rumored or confirmed. Instead, I'll be focusing on bringing unique and unlikely tales to the big screen for your viewing pleasure. My first?

Get ready for...
 

P L A S T I C   M A N

Patrick “Eel” O’Brian (Andy Samberg, Saturday Night Live) was a gifted crook, working as part of a heist crew under the employment of the mysterious crime lord known only as Mr. B (Ricky Gervais, The Office). However, a botched operation leads to his own crew dumping him off in the Tibetan mountain ranges. There, he’s picked up by an old monk (Bill Murray, Ghostbusters), tended to, and granted abilities to help him escape the Himalayas alive. Given a second chance at life and finding spiritual awakening, Patrick decides to use his new talents for good under the moniker PLASTIC MAN. His first mission?: stopping his old team before they pull off the heist of the century.

So basically, the story here is pretty simple. It's an origin story. But with the guys I chose to bring it to life, well... let's just say they'll have a unique approach to it and make a superhero film like you haven't seen before.

Director

Jim Hosking

Now, this is likely a name you haven't heard before. And I certainly don't blame you, because he isn't exactly a household name. He isn't even all that known in the "weirdo" category of film fandom like a Lloyd Kaufman, or a Harmony Korine, or a Stuart Gordon. Hosking has only a few projects under his belt, including the short "G is for Grandad" from the criminally-underrated ABCs of Death 2 and the somehow stranger 2016 film, The Greasy Strangler. Having dabbled in the bizarre and genre films, he's the perfect candidate for my Plastic Man adaptation.
 

Screenwriter(s)

Jim Hosking, Toby Harvard, Vernon Chatman, and John Lee

Naturally, the director of such a identity-driven piece should have a hand in the writing of it. And tagging along with Mr. Hosking is Toby Harvard. Harvard isn't all too established in film, but he did assist Hosking in the screenplay for The Greasy Strangler. Uniting as much of the creative team from that film as possible only makes sense to recapture that aura.

Now I'm sure you're wondering who PFFR is, given the title of the article? Well, they're a band. Yeah, I know. Weird. But they're also responsible for the creation of cult classic absurdist television like Wonder Showzen, Delocated, and my favorite of theirs, Xavier: Renegade Angel. Vernon Chatman and John Lee are the two most influential on the creation side of PFFR, so with their experience in media and perfection of the odd, they're perfectly coupled with the former team.
 

Misc.

Okay, we're getting to the area where we can just make like a Raiden beach ball and lightning round this thing. So here goes nothing.

Produced by Charles Roven, Deborah Snyder, Zack Snyder, Vernon Chatman, and John Lee

Music by Andrew Hung (The Greasy Strangler)

Cinematography by Lachlan Milne (Hunt for the Wilderpeople)

Edited by Yorgos Mavropsaridis (The Lobster)

Production companies
RatPac-Dune Entertainment
DC Entertainment
PFFR Forever, Ltd.
Atlas Entertainment
Cruel and Unusual Films

Distributed by Warner Bros. Pictures

Okay, so... wow, that's a lot of names. Especially those companies. I mean hell, if I got as descriptive for them as I did with the director and writers, would I have to run down their history? Name executives, and break down their résumés? Name films they've all been associated with? Now that just doesn't sound fun. It's a good thing I decided not to do that, because that'd just take up a lot of time with unnecessary words and ramblings nobody really cares about. One might say, almost like I'm doing right now.

Moving on.
 

The Cast

I'm sure this was the part we were all waiting for. And I don't blame you. This is usually what people click on these articles for, and it's almost certainly what peaks 95% of your interests. That's of course why I decided to do literally everything else I could before it, because I'm just a tease like that.

Just a note though, I absolutely refuse to dig too deep on every single one of these actors. So instead of short bios like some of my more generous compatriots might provide you with, I'll just be providing a little notable works section underneath their character descriptions. So let's get started, yeah?

In 3... 2... 1... GO!

Now!

Get on with it already, you [frick]ing knob!

Okay, okay. Sheesh.

***

-Andy Samberg as Patrick "Eel" O'Brian/Plastic Man-
A cocky criminal given a second chance at life as a superhero, and the film’s main protagonist. Morally ambiguous and charmingly ditzy. Often finds himself accidentally saving the day or choosing the most irresponsible way to get the job done.
Notable Works: Saturday Night Live & Brooklyn Nine-Nine

-Ricky Gervais as Mr. B/Kite-Man-
An arrogant criminal kingpin, and the film’s main antagonist. Formerly a failed supervillain under the employ of Dr. Dome before he found a way to betray and steal the assets of his former boss with the help of the Eraser.
Notable Works: The Office (UK Version) & Derek

-Vernon Chatman as Chuck "Woozy Winks" Taine/Bouncing Boy-
The best friend of Plastic Man who left his life of crime behind him. Becomes Plastic Man’s sidekick when given technology by the Monk that allows him to inflate his own body.
Notable Works: Wonder Showzen & Xavier: Renegade Angel

-Dave Chappelle as Roy "Van Gogh" Bivolo/Rainbow Raider-
Mr. B’s secondary right-hand man and enforcer. The most experienced on the heist crew, and the one most eager to kill Plastic Man, seemingly out of jealousy.
Notable Works: Chappelle's Show & Half Baked

-Michael St. Michaels as The Eraser-
The financial manager of Mr. B’s criminal empire. Has no known identity, but seems to have pull in many departments criminal and governmental.
Notable Works: The Greasy Strangler & The Video Dead

-Bill Murray as Monk-
An old man living in an abandoned Tibetan monastery at the top of Mt. Everest. Saves Plastic Man from dying and serves as his reluctant mentor in spiritual cleansing.
Notable Works: Ghostbusters & Lost in Translation

-Jon Glaser as Lawrence "Crusher" Grock/Sportsmaster-
Part of Plastic Man’s old heist crew. Dimwitted, but athletically competent. Unlike Rainbow Raider, his allegiance is to himself and has no interest in Plastic Man until promised pay.
Notable Works: Delocated & Neon Joe, Werewolf Hunter

-Taika Waititi as Dr. Dome-
The former boss of Mr. B who declares war on his criminal empire. Serves as an obstacle in Plastic Man’s hunt for Mr. B.
Notable Works: What We Do in the Shadows & Thor: Ragnarok

-John Lee as Roy "Pussy Boy" Reynolds/Getaway Genius-
Part of Plastic Man’s old heist crew. A supergenius picked on by his peers for his perceived cowardice.
Notable Works: Wonder Showzen & Xavier: Renegade Angel

Rich Evans, Jay Bauman, and Mike Stoklasa of Red Letter Media fame make cameo appearances in the film as Condiment King, Polka-Dot Man, and the King of Cats, respectively. The trio appear as men sent by Mr. B to do business with Dr. Dome, with a secret mission to kill him. Plastic Man breaks up the meet, and fights the three, besting them eventually.

***

Okay, so, that was something, right? A real read, that one. I'm sure you thought it would never end, yeah?
 

So, what did you think? Did you like it? Did you love it? Did you hate it? Do you now want to stick a kendo stick way deep inside my bum for turning your 24th favorite DC hero into what pretty much amounts to a cinematic Tim & Eric sketch? Let me know below. And if you liked this, show support, leave feedback, and I'll get right to work on the next one of these. 

And trust me... things only get weirder from here. Anyway, I've got movie sign, so I've gotta dip. Cheers!