Venom is currently earning the scorn of critics and while it definitely appears to have its fans (well, people who think it was at least somewhat watchable), it looks like it's going to be another colossal failure for Sony and a dismal way to kick off its Spider-Verse.
By now, you've no doubt read plenty of reviews both here on CBM and elsewhere, but what about the Marvel movie does and does not work?
Well, that's what we're taking an in-depth look at here as we break down everything about Venom which didn't work as well as the single thing that did (we've been doing these lists since 2015 and this is the first time we found only one nice thing to say).
So, to check out this spoilery look at the movie which lands in theaters later today, simply click on the "View List" button below to take a look.
Didn't Work: Carnage's Introduction
What should have been one of the coolest moments in this movie is sadly ruined by a laughable Carrot Top style wig and a shoehorned in cameo which has a similar sort of impact to Sinestro donning that ring at the end of Green Lantern (read: none/utter confusion). Eddie goes to chat with Cletus Kasady despite the two having no history and the serial killer tells him he'll escape and cause "carnage."
Everything about this feels forced and it's now hard to see where things could go from here. Will Eddie continue to interview him, leaving behind part of Venom to create Carnage? That seems like the most logical option and Cletus has cut himself in order to "welcome" the journalist, so Sony got that much right at least. However, he should have had a small role in the movie itself to make this really work.
Didn't Work: Michelle Williams' Wooden Performance
Williams has confessed that she only signed up to star in Venom for the money and because it will open the door to more opportunities for her and that's easy to see. She looks bored here from start to finish and perhaps the most comical moment comes when she's talking to Eddie in the back of her car and looking at him in the mirror with eyes which actually appear to be glazed over with boredom.
She looks half asleep there and throughout the rest of the Marvel Comics adaptation and it's shocking that such a fantastic actress couldn't do better. Clearly, Williams realised the movie would be bad because that's the only thing which explains why she doesn't appear to be making any effort here.
Didn't Work: The Action Scenes
Even in the worst of movies (Transformers), the action is able to somewhat save an otherwise mediocre story or poor performances. Well, that's not the case in Venom as the action scenes are so incoherent and hard to follow that you can't really get much out of them. The symbiotes do battle in a blur of PlayStation 3 quality special effects and splatter all over the place in a jumble of unexciting sequences. Even that much talked about motorbike chase proves to be nothing more than average.
Didn't Work: Editing At Its Worst
If a movie is even just plain good, then you probably won't notice the editing. After all, you're not supposed to; what you're seeing on screen is meant to draw you into another world not leave you infuriated by quick camera cuts. Well, Venom is full of those and scenes which cut off just as they appear to get going. This is something which very much gives the movie the feel of, say, Daredevil.
It's just a mess with scenes thrown in haphazardly the same way as Fantastic Four. Tom Hardy claims that 40 minutes of his favourite scenes were cut and seeing as Venom only runs for 90 minutes, it's crazy that Sony decided it needed to be edited to death. Clearly, they want to give it as much playing time in theaters as possible in order to try and recoup their losses after wasting money on poor CGI.
Didn't Work: What Happened To Riz Ahmed?
If you've seen The Night Of or even Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, you'll know that Riz Ahmed is a very good actor. Like Michelle Williams, he clearly realised that he wouldn't be able to elevate the terrible material here because he phones it in from start to finish, with a boring performance that injects no personality into the villainous Carlton Drake whatsoever. The fact he has no qualms about killing people comes out of nowhere as does his desire to bring the symbiotes to Earth to somehow "save" it.
Didn't Work: The Humour
Zombieland was a very funny movie but the same thing can't be said about Venom. From start to finish, it's all pretty juvenile and the laughs are few and far between. Whereas Deadpool is able to pull off that immature sort of humour in imaginative and genuinely very funny ways, Venom feels like it's been written by a fifteen-year-old from 2005 who thinks that calling someone a "pussy" is a hilarious insult. Sadly, it's not and it's as unfunny as most of what comes out of Tom Hardy's mouth in this movie.
Didn't Work: Eddie's Relationship With Venom
Something this movie simply doesn't get is how Eddie Brock's relationship with Venom works. The absence of Spider-Man is a big part of that but essentially making these two separate characters who have a buddy cop type chemistry is just plain dumb. Sure, it results in an occasionally amusing dynamic and some fun moments but when Venom comes out to play, Eddie is simply just a passenger.
He's there for the ride and doesn't play any sort of role in Venom's movements or actions. Making them both "losers" is also a pretty bizarre decision, while the symbiote's powers are another major disappointment. Venom doesn't stick to walls or web around the place; he uses his claws to smash his way up buildings and tendrils to get around. A small complaint but a real nitpick for fans.
Didn't Work: Too Much Riot
In scenes which I can only assume were added so that Venom would hit the 90-minute mark, we follow Riot's journey from Malaysia to San Fransisco in a boring sequence of events which culminate with the symbiote taking over Carlton Drake. Over the course of these irritating cutaways, we see Riot take over corpses, elderly women, and a child, none of which is even half as amusing as it may actually sound.
Honestly, if we were going to get this much Riot, the symbiote's personality and motivations should have been fleshed out a little better because this villain fails to make any sort of real impact here.
Didn't Work: Not Enough Venom
This is an origin story so us spending more time with Eddie than Venom is just one of those things but seeing as the symbiote is introduced after around 25 minutes or so, there's really no excuse why he doesn't turn up in his entirety until nearly an hour in. When he does show up, it's only for extended versions of scenes we've seen in the trailers and even those don't end up lasting particularly long.
Venom is probably the only somewhat decent thing about this Marvel Comics adaptation so the fact he's rarely shown is either down to Sony wanting to save money on special effects or because they really thought that Eddie hearing a voice in his head would be more entertaining. Venom ends up being something of a non-factor by the time all is said and done and fails to make a significant impact.
Did Work: Tom Hardy's Dual Performances (Mostly)
Well, I have to say something good, right? Despite the many, many faults Venom has, Tom Hardy is mostly entertaining. Sure, he does some weird sh*t but a lot of that is fairly entertaining to watch and it definitely feels like he's in a different movie to everyone else as he embraces the silliness of what Eddie is going through and at least attempts to make his dynamic with the symbiote entertaining.
It doesn't always work but Venom is also fun to spend time with and that's why it's so frustrating that his screentime is so limited. Hardy also voices the symbiote and while the way they converse isn't comic book accurate, it is quite amusing and we could have actually done with a little more of it. Hardy tries, though, and that's probably the only saving grace of an otherwise awful, forgettable movie.
Didn't Work: The Lethal Protector
Venom seemingly sets the stage for the anti-hero to become the Lethal Protector we all know and love from the comic books. However, that isn't entirely accurate because all that happens is Eddie decides that to feed the symbiotes desire for brains, he'll allow it to eat the brains of criminals. That's pretty much psychopathic behaviour and there's no real moral code for the character to follow in future.
He's just looking for a way to stop the symbiote from feeding off his own organs and, again, with no Spider-Man to be seen here, his twisted idea of crimefighting doesn't really end up making any sense.
Have you seen Venom yet or will you not be bothering? If you have watched it, do you agree with these points? As always, be sure to let us know your thoughts in the comments section below.