Batman Vs Chuck Norris

Batman Vs Chuck Norris

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By SillySteve181191 - Mar 17, 2011 02:03 PM EST
Filed Under: Fan Fic

Batman responds to an alert from the JLA Watchtower on the Moon. Teleporting up, he finds his teammates are unconscious. Green Arrow's bow has been snapped. The Flash's kneecaps have been busted. Superman has a black eye. "Who could have done this?" the Batman wonders aloud.

Then he feels it. Someone is standing behind him!

"Tell you what, son," declared the voice. "You'd better know the truth of wrong from right!"

Batman drops down with a leg sweep, but the stranger is too quick. Catching a boot in his gut, Batman is sent flying through the air. He tried to fire his grappling hook but the tool is shot out of his hands. Batman hits the floor, then looks up. It's then that he sees his attacker: The Chuck Norris.

"Why?"

Norris tips his hat towards the Dark Night, "Just wanted to see how good y'all were. The answer: not very."

Anger shoots through Batman. Throwing himself at Chuck Norris, the two tussle in a battle of masters. At first it seems Batman might have the victory, but Norris trips his up with some Venusian Akido. Stumbling, Batman has no time to recover before his opponent whips out a fatal round-house kick to the back of his head.

Norris lands the killing blow... or tries to. For the first time ever, the hypothetical debates about the unstoppable force meeting the immovable object are realized in actuality. The mechanical underpinnings of the universe simply can't process Norris' boot heel striking Batman's face. Awesome can't beat Awesome because both are too Awesome. Reality shudders, then explodes in a flurry of badly Photoshopped effects and briefly glimpsed Elseworlds.

Batman and Chuck Norris find themselves tumbling through a void, locked in combat. Unchecked by a living universe, they struggle for an eternity and more. Both men's nigh-unlimited grit failing, each looks about for any possible advantage. Batman spots a shard of the universe passing through forever. He reaches out, grabs it, and smashes the shard into Norris' face. While no stranger to sharp edges, Chuck Norris is overwhelmed by the vision confronting him: scenes from his 1986 movie "Firewalker".

Norris howls, "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

The strain is too much for the Texas Ranger. His terror ripples through the void that was once the universe, drawing the shattered fragments of that reality inwards. Norris' defeat resolves the standing intellectual conundrum, rebooting the universe. Everything returns to normal, expect there'll be a new Hawkman. Or three.

Batman finds himself back at the Watchtower. Norris, absorbed into the healing fabric of reality, is no more. The rest of the JLA is up and about, unaware of what has transpired. His great challenger defeated, the Dark Knight will sleep a little easier from now on. Not that he needs to sleep. He's the goddamn Batman

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The14thAvenger
The14thAvenger - 3/17/2011, 3:02 PM
boring
AC1
AC1 - 3/17/2011, 5:43 PM
That would never happen, Chuck Norris is the father of Darkseid, Galactus, and Darth Vader, he'd pwn Batman...
CrossOver
CrossOver - 3/17/2011, 7:04 PM
Hitler didn't kill himself because he was losing the war, he killed himself because he found out Chuck Norris was Jewish.
IronicMan
IronicMan - 3/17/2011, 9:33 PM
Amazing! Keep up the good work!
DDD
DDD - 3/20/2011, 3:02 AM
Amusing and very thought provoking!

But "THE NORRIS" CANNOT BE DEFEATED!
BWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA........
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