What I Fear Michael Bay Will Do Next

What I Fear Michael Bay Will Do Next

With Michael Bay's Ninja Turtles hitting the big screen, I fear he will soon turn his hand to another beloved franchise.....

Editorial Opinion
By RebelVulcan - Jul 08, 2014 06:07 AM EST
Filed Under: Transformers

Disclaimer: I know Michael Bay isn't directing or writing the new TMNT movie. However, he has been onboard the project since Day One, so I imagine he will have had considerable influence on the film.

Michael Bay. One of the most notorious filmakers in modern cinema. He has his fans, but most fans see him as the cinematic devil incarnate. Regardless, his films make money, that's for sure. So with his popularity rising, its only a matter of time before he gets his hands on another beloved franchise.....

Pokemon.
Yes, Pokemon. There's been rumours of a new live-action adaptation of Pokemon for years now. But what would a Michael Bay Pokemon film look like?

For starters, Shia LaBeouf would probably play Ash Ketchum. He would be 15-16 years old, and an irritating, juvenile, awkward retard instead of the naive, optimistic Ash we know and love. Misty would be played by Megan Fox (obviously), and this time Michael Bay has an extra excuse to make her wear very little- Misty runs the Water Gym! So throughout the film Misty would probably be wearing swimwear. Brock would be like John Turturro was in the first three films- the guy who's supposed to be serious but is reduced to being a focal point for crude humour. Team Rocket would be some sort of paramilitary organisation with machine guns, just like the Foot Clan in the new NInja Turtles film! The Pokemon themselves would proably largely consist of outdated racial stereotypes and 'tough guy' characters. They would mainly be side characters, and the vast majority of the film would focus on the 'relationship' between Ash and Misty. And they would be aliens!

So, what do you think a Michael Bay Pokemon film would look like? And what other beloved franchises do you think Michael Bay will screw up next? How will he screw them up? Let me know in the comments below! Hey, that rhymes.
 

 

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yossarian
yossarian - 7/8/2014, 6:34 AM
I didn't read. Was it porn? Is he going to ruin porn for you?
yossarian
yossarian - 7/8/2014, 6:43 AM
Pokemon porn?
Pasto
Pasto - 7/8/2014, 6:44 AM
yossarian
yossarian - 7/8/2014, 6:44 AM
Can a Squirtle even bang a...gorgatron? Is a gorgatron a Pokemon?
kong
kong - 7/8/2014, 6:44 AM
I'm taking this article as a joke (not saying it IS a joke, but saying you meant it to be funny). If it is a joke than I laughed so thumbs up!

The thing about a Pokemon movie is that it'd HAVE to be about the humans. That's what all the TV shows are so you're point about it focusing on the humans doesn't hold up. You can't focus the plot around Pikachu and Charzard like you can focus it around teenage mutant ninja turtles that can speak and have personality (I know Pokemon's do, but still). Or robots that can speak and have emotion, personality etc.

I kinda wanna see this movie for the fun of it now. But I'd rather see this...

Sumitsjc
Sumitsjc - 7/8/2014, 7:04 AM
I just watched Transformers:AoE now and i think it's really a good movie.i love what they did in this one like Lockdown is great Prime looks more badass.
oh story was little bit here & there but i liked it anyway.
I am looking forward to Transformers 5.

Facade
Facade - 7/8/2014, 7:16 AM
I wish he'd do He-man and Thundercats...they can't get any worse ;P
fastflames
fastflames - 7/8/2014, 7:31 AM
Lol didn't read once I saw Pokemon, because screw all that digemon crap!

You're the reason we never saw the resolution to the Spider-Man Unlimited Season 1 cliffhanger you jack ass.
PeterParker1991
PeterParker1991 - 7/8/2014, 9:01 AM
Yeah, well as long as Bay stays the f**k away from Mighty Morphin'.. I won't have to send Dragonzord on his ass
Emblemmaniac
Emblemmaniac - 7/8/2014, 9:06 AM
I strongly dissbelieve that there has been any talks about a live action movie of Pokemon, since Nintendo has been known for not being intrested for come back to hollywood since the Super Mario Bros flopp. And even if they would be intrested, i would say that it would be probably more likely that we see a live action Legend of Zelda (an offical legend of zelda and not an fanmade like that Hero of Time movie), F-Zero or Fire Emblem have a better chance to be a movie.
TheBuoyWonder
TheBuoyWonder - 7/8/2014, 9:15 AM
I want him to do Power Rangers.
That show had enough random explosions.
cipher
cipher - 7/8/2014, 9:38 AM
I think a Tentacruel will bang the lights out of a Squirtle. Tentacruel's the jellyfish one, right? Yeah.

I mean, it's got, like, what.. eight f*cking appendages? And the other one's called "Squirtle"..

Shit writes itself.
UltimateCookie
UltimateCookie - 7/8/2014, 1:20 PM
Megan Fox as Misty? I like Pokemon but I wouldn't mind Megan Fox in those short shorts.
UltimateCookie
UltimateCookie - 7/8/2014, 1:23 PM
JGL for Ash Ketchum!
GiantNerd
GiantNerd - 7/8/2014, 6:45 PM
@Cipher

Lmao

That post killed me. Well done sir.
Lhornbk
Lhornbk - 7/8/2014, 10:36 PM
@ManCalledSting, agreed. (Although, the fake Superman photo editorial may be slightly dumber.)

Pokemon? Who gives a f***? Seriously?

Oh, and while a majority of whiny fanboys may consider Mar to be the devil, clearly that is not true of movie fans in general, or his movies wouldn't make so much money. To me, he was perfect for Transformers, because he knew that action and explosions were important to a movie about TOYS. Yes, just to remind all of you, Transformers are, first and foremost, TOYS! The movies aren't gonna win Oscars, except maybe technical ones, but they're good enough for movies about TOYS.
Lhornbk
Lhornbk - 7/8/2014, 10:37 PM
Bay, not Mar. Not sure what my autocorrect was thinking.
SteveBosell
SteveBosell - 7/8/2014, 11:07 PM
Puck Fokémon!
GreenLantern519
GreenLantern519 - 7/9/2014, 7:18 AM
People forget that Michael Bay isn't directing TMNT. He's an EP, and his stamp is certainly on it, but it's still not his movie.
MuttonMan
MuttonMan - 7/9/2014, 7:41 AM
I don't think you're supposed call people retards, ya retard...
Mike1100
Mike1100 - 7/10/2014, 12:22 PM
I actually wouldn't mind seeing Megan Fox as Misty wearing a bikini. I'm already sold!
Gigacrusher45
Gigacrusher45 - 7/10/2014, 1:50 PM
No. This won't happen. Also Shia has gone crazy.
Tainted87
Tainted87 - 7/11/2014, 7:06 PM
Pokemon. Sounds like a gay Jamaican porno.

Shia HAS gone crazy.

It's actually funny, because as ridiculous as it sounds, Michael Bay would be THE perfect director for a Pokemon movie. He makes Transformers about humans, so it'd fit, since you know, there's a multitude of Pikachus and Squirtles and whatever out there. Misty would fit perfectly in his world of scantily clad girls. All the product placement would actually fit as well, since it's that kind of society.

No man, I don't think you actually thought it through.
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