This morning, I realized that, during the chaos of the holidays, I missed the fifth episode of Creature Commandos. Maybe my lack of excitement and forgetfulness speaks to my overall feelings toward the show, or maybe the holidays just took all my time. Regardless, now that two episodes of Creature Commandos are out that I haven’t reviewed, I figured I’d put both reviews into one article.
SPOILERS for Creature Commandos episodes five and six below.
Episode Five
Episode five starts with a very strange and off putting scene in which the professor brought in to assist Amanda Waller is doing everything short of sexually assaulting one of her students, then shouts that the most interesting thing about Themyscira is lesbians. Thankfully, Frankenstein and Flag, who were watching through a window, point out how unprofessional and strange it is. However, this makes much more sense later in the episode. This is immediately followed by a line and design seemingly pulled out of Seinfeld or Friends when Frankenstein says, “Uh, I know my contact lens is back here somewhere,” when students look at them funny. It’s a rough one.
After being prevented from reaching Princess Ilana multiple times by the impassable barrier of language (I guess there’s no Google Translate in this world) and the princess somehow not having a phone, Rick Flag tries calling again and the princess just happens to be close enough to the phone to hear his voice. Maybe I’m being nitpicky, but you’re telling me she doesn’t have a cell phone? In the country where they don high tech armored suits, they don’t have cell phones? To me, it feels like thoughtless writing.
More of Frankenstein’s backstory is shown this episode and it makes very little sense when compared to his behavior in the present. His obsession with the Bride continues, but he doesn’t seem to be evil. Yet, during the sequences showing his backstory, his life is saved by an old woman, she teaches him lessons about kindness and beauty, then for literally no reason, he murders her. It makes no sense.
There are two definitive standouts in this episode: the presence and debut of the DCU’s Clayface and the action overall. Clayface absolutely pummels Flag. I was worried Flag would somehow stand his own, but Clayface nearly killed him. When Phosphorus melts through a tank with dual middle fingers up, pressing them through two enemies’ faces, it was both hilarious and gross.
In episode five, there is very little to like. Frankenstein becomes unfunny comic relief, the writing is thoughtless, and Frankenstein’s actions don’t make a lot of sense. Clayface and the action are a nice touch, but the majority of the episode isn’t good. I give episode five a mediocre 5/10.
Episode Six
The Creature Commandos are on the run in Pokolistan, something that could’ve had a threatening, ominous tone, but it’s very quickly turned into a joke and an opportunity for Gunn to show us more animated breasts. Luckily, the tone becomes more serious, and even has serious music instead of something obscure and zany, when we see Flag in the hospital. However, when we come back to the brothel, there’s a horrible comparison made between being a prostitute and being an assassin and more stereotypical men-being-terrible-and-gross kind of scenes that all come off as completely tasteless filler, irrelevant to the plot or character development. However, The Bride does rip a rapist's heart out, which I very much liked.
As the Commandos are separated, we get a comedic relief scene that completely falls flat in which Weasel finds a pack of wolves, wild animals, and tames them all like it’s Minecraft. The saving grace to this, is that we’re shown that Princess Ilana reminds Weasel of the girl he saved from the fire. Is this teasing a rift between more of the Commandos?
In this episode, Phosphorus is the one to get the backstory treatment. I would have preferred it done in one long segment versus a five or so ninety second segments, but, overall, the backstory is presented very well. Rupert Thorne is portrayed excellently by Benjamin Byron Davis, and I’m very disappointed he’s dead. However, this is a comic book show and he could potentially come back. Thorne and his goons murder Phosphorus’s wife, frame him, then throw him in a nuclear reactor. To take revenge, Phosphorus murders Thorne, his wife, and his children, dismantles his gang, and takes it all for himself. The montage would have been excellent, but, of course, it was set to a ridiculous song when it could’ve had intense music to keep the tone, and Phosphorus randomly has a scene in which he is dancing. It’s reminiscent of the horrendous opening sequence of Peacemaker in the worst way possible.Thank goodness Batman makes his DCU debut and puts a stop to that.
Once again, this episode also has very little to love about it. The action was good and Phosphorus’s backstory was told well save for the dancing and montage, but that’s about it. The backstory did sit very well with me in spite of the dancing. That being said, I give this episode a slightly better, fine 6/10.